Darrach Delights

Update!

2011-05-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Whew!
Guess I need an update on here eh?

Well, lots has happened. (as usual!)
No, my life still hasn't calmed down.
Seriously???

My job has been killing me- as in suffocating and exhausting and stressed to the max.
Luckily God has this incredible way of taking care of me. Especially when I'm incapable of taking care of myself. :) *winks to the sky*

I had a friend of mine who came up to me and said she was hiring.
That got me thinking about my job. And that's when I came to the conclusion that it was killing me. Prior to that I was adapting and smiling and trying to do the best I could. Which wasn't good at all. Just ask my husband.

I interviewed for the position and was hired on the spot.
Nice!
I prayed about it and wrote out the pros and cons.
No brainer.
My current job -- I had to work weekends- be on call and the load was HUGE. And they wanted me to .... be trained to be a leader - and I really didn't want to do that. It was multi-tasking on steriods. Seriously.

In my prayers I saw a vision of a cupped hand scooping me up and placing me down at my new job.
I knew this is where i was supposed to go.
So I gave my resignation - and finished out my two weeks - which was REALLY HARD!
But I was big girl and a REAL adult and did it with a smile and tried to leave them in a good position- with no loose ends. I hope I succeeded.

At any rate.... this has been the first week with my new job.
I LOVE IT!
I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all he's done for me.
This is the first week in FOREVER!!!! That I feel like ME.
Like I'm actually back.
I'm not depressed -
I have been SOOOO depressed and I didn't even know it. But now that I feel so much better... gosh... I actually have this peace and comfort and I'm so less stressed.
It's amazing.
totally amazing.
I stand in awe.
I'm grateful for being able to pay attention and for my Father in Heaven knowing exactly what I need. Being mindful of me and showing me how much He loves me.

Life is good.

OH...and my church life has changed completely. We had our boundries changed and now I got to different building - with some of the same and a few different people and I'm no longer in a presidency- so that is a bit less stressful too.

So now I'm starting to see that my life is going to be MUCH better.
Doesn't it make you crazy when in hindsight you see --- totally see --- Geesh! I was crazy! What was I thinking doing that job?
I would love a pair of hindsight glasses - wouldn't that be awesome.
But that's not in the plan - I don't get to see the end from the beginning.
I'm just grateful I having Someone on my side who can!
:)

Week 3 in BOGOTA!

2011-03-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

Hey Mom! week 3.
Beginning with things that are different.
There is graffiti on every wall. I mean literally there is graffiti on
every single wall. Also you can see your breath at night sometimes after
it rains when its not even cold out! weird. I feel like i'm the only
person out here who does not get cold. It isn't cold here! But, my comp
thinks its cold all the time. Also i made my first pouched egg. It was
so good. I had it with toast. Mmmmm. Also the eggs here, the yoke is
orange. hey taste the same. The milk here and everything that is liquid
is in bags. Kind of weird. The milk here is more sweeter too. Its soooo
good. So last P Day i had the opportunity to play soccer for the first
time in my zone. I played goalie cause thats what i felt best at. There
were 4 elders from the U.S, 3 from Chile, 3 from Peru. It was sweet. I
did decent for my first time playing soccer like legit. We won. Everyone
said i had amazing reflexes. Thank you hockey! haha but yeah it was
really fun. Also everyone here is sooooo impatient after the light turns
green immeadiately everyone starts honking. Its funny. Also no one here
has manners. I was on the bus and i noticed that lots of the women were
standing and the men were sitting. So while we were on the bus all the
seats were taken and i got up to give my seat to a lady. Hey someone has
to be an example of manners here. Why not start now.

Friday

So
everyday before we start companionship study we sing a hymn. It was me,
Elder Cornejo, and Elder Huaman. So we sing the song and at the end my
comp dramatizes the ending and that didn't make me happy. I told him
after we finished the hymn that they are sacred and another way of
prayer. Also that we shouldn't be messing around with the hymns. Well i
find out that Latinos don't really that critisim well. He just shrugged
and said he never heard of it being a form of prayer. So i showed them D
and C 25:12 how the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me. It says.
So since then there hasn't been problems haha. Also I had beans for the
first time in my mission. It was 17 days in and i got to have beans.
They are really good. I like them. The food here is different but not
bad. It's good. I had yucca, beans, rice, chicken, mojarra(fish), and
potatoes. That was one meal. I about died afterwards. Then afterwards i
was offered Tinto. Tinto is coffee without the caffine. Its like coffee
that Mormons drink. I said no to it and said i don't drink anything that
is a substitute to coffee. So that was interesting. That night we
visited Deymer. He is one of our investigators that is coming to church
every week the only problem for him is getting married. So we are
working on that. But we watched the movie Together Forever. Its a church
movie. I had to read the subtitles cause i didn't understand
everything. But at the end of the movie they showed how the church
changed the life of a guy who was on the wrong path and was doing the
wrong things and how the church completely turned his life around. It
got me thinking of the whole conversion of Ashley and how that came
about. It got me all emotional cause it was just so awesome to see the
church make her so much happier in her liffe and now she has a purpose.
So after the movie we bore our testimonies about how families can be
together forever and how the gospel can giuve us purpose in life and
give us true happiness. I started to tear up in my testimony. I felt the
Love of God so much. Thats when i cry i notice is when i feel the the
Spirit and Love of God so much that it overpowers me.

Saturday- BAPTISMS!!!

So
Saturday we had to get up at 4:30am to clean the baptismal font. It was
the last day for Elder Huaman. He was going home right after the
baptism. So that messed with my head a little. But after we cleaned the
font Elder wanted me to play Lady GaGa Bad Romance on the Piano for him
so he could videotape it. So i di a pretty decent job for not having the
music or anything haha. He videotaped it and said he was going to post
it on FBook when he got home along with photos of the baptism. So
hopefully it isn't too bad. So after that i played hymns until it was
time to get ready for the baptism. Everyone arrived and we got ready.
There were only like 15 people at the baptism. Both families of the
young ones getting baptized. So i went second to baptize. Elder Huaman
was first and i saw how he did it. I was a little nervous at first but
once we got in the font i was ready to go. I had the opportunity to
baptize Barbara Paopla Falla Chavez. I said it all in Spanish and dunked
her and came up out of the water. The feeling i felt was just amazing.
True happiness. I just pictured later in their future how they would
always remember their baptism and how happy and excited they were. I got
a picture with her coming out of the font(not sure if thats allowed or
not but we did it haha) then i watched the other young girl get baptized
and got changed. I felt sooooo happy. It was the same feeling i felt
after doing ordinaces in the temple. Just speechless and happy. Anyways
after the baptism we left immeadiately and went to the airport. Kinda
sucked cause I fept thinking about when i was going home and how i had
only been out for like two weeks. But i kept pushing it out o my mind.
We said bye to Elder Huaman and thats when i checked my money. I didn't
know what to check so i just picked one. I know now it is in checking
thanks haha. So after we left the airport we helped a lady move. It was
raining hard and i got pretty wet but just didn't complain and kept
doing service. I love doing service. Its fun! Especially cool cause
everytime I do service i think of Ammon and how he was selfless always
and always wanted to serve the people. Thats what i want to do too. Also
i saw one of the movers who had on a NASCAR jacket and i talked to him
about NASCAR for a little bit. It was cool. His driver is Juan Pablo
Montoya obviously haha.

Sunday

Church
i am feeling more comfortable with the people and understanding them.
Oh i forgot to mention this last weekend. Last week for church me and my
companion gave a talk! So i had no idea i was giving a talk until like
Saturday the day before. Of course we don't have time to prepare for
talks. My comp told me it was about missionary work. I was like ok sweet
i'll talk about Ammon of course. I asked what he was going to share. He
said oh i'll talk about Ammon. Oh! great sweet now i have nothing to go
off of. So i talked about how it says in I think the Principles of The
Gospel book how it says Every Member A Missionary. So i talked about the
importance of referals and missionary work and the blessings. Also i
shared the scripture in DandC 18 10, 15 and 16 about how every soul is
great in the sight of God and how great our Joy is when we bring even
one soul to God. So after that i bore my testimony about how i love it
here in Colombia with an O mom haha. Also how everyone here is more nice
than the U.S or maybe they're just nice to me cause i don't understand
everything they are saying haha. nah jk they are pretty nice here. and i
ended and sat down. So that was my first talk in Spanish in Colombia.
It went pretty well i thought. I didn't really stumble at all. Alright
so this past Sunday I felt real comfortable with everything. The bishop
still hasn't asked me to play the piano so I don't play. I want to but i
don't really know the hymns like on paper. I usually do the right hand
and make up my own bass. It sounds better anyway so if i'm called on to
play thats what i'll do haha. We had two new families come to church so
we have some new investigators. One of them the Dad is a less actice
member and the mom and kid are not members and we have another family
who is a mom and dad and child who aren't members so thats awesome!
Anyways in Sacrament Familia Falla got confirmed. At least the three
young kids. But, Dayana showed up late! She didn't get confirmed and we
have to do it this week. So we didn't complete our goal this week of 4
baptisms and 4 comfirmations but its all good we'll get her confirmed a
member this week. So that night we went to a family where we watched the
Joseph Smith movie. (yeah the movie that is shown in the temple) My
comp had it pirated! haha what an oxy moron. But hey it was cool to
watch it in Spanish. We didn't watch it all but we left it with them.

Monday

So
we didn't have any official appointments so we did some contacts. But
it was way different. We opened the church and stood out in front on the
sidewalk and contacted people and asked them if they wanted to take a
tour of the church. I was pretty skeptical of the idea but as we tried
it we got some awesome people who came in and entered the church and we
got an appointment with them. It was pretty sucessful! I like the idea.
we're going to do it more. After finishing the contacts we headed home
and as we were walking in a park we saw a family and walked past them
and i felt the urge that we needed to contact them. So i told my
companion that we need to go back and talk to them. So we turned back
and contracted them and they were interested! We set up an appointment
and will see them sometime this week! MY FIRST EXPERIENCE FOLLOWING THE
SPIRIT for a contact. It was awesome! I was so happy and my comp was so
happy for me. He then said he felt the same feeling to but didn't act
onit so he was glad i did. What an awesome experience too cause i had
been praying for the Spirit to help guide me to who what and where i
need to go to find people who are ready to hear the Gospel. I gave
thanks to the Lord after that moment and for our sucess that day.

Tuesday

So i
have pretty much everyday for food this: rice, chicked, fried bananas,
and vedgebles. So last week Elder Sherwood had another traumatic thing
happen to him. He lost his journal! I felt bad for his companion. His
journal is like his life. Thats all he did in the MTC was write in his
journal. He lost 150 pages of writing haha. That sucks. He said its like
all the way back to 2 weeks before we left the MTC. He said it was like
losing the 116 pages of the BoM. I was like WOW... really??? Well, now he won't take it with him everywhere i hope.
Also! oh my gosh. I got the SHAFT again. It has caught up to me. So i
had my camera out cause one of the little kids wanted to see my
pictures. 1. Bad idea.
So i gave it to him and he looked at the pictures and took some
videos which was good. Then i look over and he takes the cap off the
memory card and pulls out the memory card while the camera is still on.
NOOOO!!! so i take it away from him. and look at it and i have 3 things
on my camera. Just those videos of him. Every SINGLE photo was erased
off of my camera i think. Kinda sucks. No not kinda. It really sucks.
But were trying to figure out something to do. My comp said there is a
way to get it back if the camera is formatted right. I lost 150 photos.
nice huh? Yeah i'm never giving my camera to any kids anymore. We'll
figure it out.

Wednesday

So
we had lunch and this lady came up to us and showed us this sweet pen
that writes on glass and porcelin and stuff. It was so legit so i bought
it. It was only like 2 dollars or 4 mil pesos. haha its sweet. I
haven't figured out how it works but I like it haha. Also the reason why
i couldn't talk yesterday was because we went shopping for
Corbatas(ties). Oh my gosh mom everything here is soooo cheap! We went
there and they hab so many ties it was hard to choose. I take forever to
pick out stuff. The ties each were 8 and 9 mil. ONLY 4 to 5 dollars.
haha so i went on a rampage and bought 6 ties haha. it all added up to
25 dollars. Thats one tie in the U.S! a good one at least. One tie is
Orange and Blue(whoo Boise State!) Red and White like a candy cane.
White and Black. Green, bright Green haha. light blue and white like the
Argentina soccer team colors. Also a pure Blue and grey one. I'm going
to have so many ties when i get back i'm just letting you know haha. I
aready have 22 ties. So i have been looking for a flag here. I never
knew how hard it would be to buy a Colombian flag in Colombia. haha Yeah
these people here really are patriotic. We found out that there is a
store close to our house that has flags. I'm going to buy two big ones.
One for my comps to sign and one for me to have. So hopefully i'll get
that soon. I'm going to hang it up on the wall. So i also bought some
cereal and milk. They have raisin Bran but in Spanish. It's awesome. I
love it. I bought two boxes and have already eaten one box. I got to buy
more boxes haha. Also today i got my haircut for the first time in
Colombia. The lady asked how i wanted my hair and i just said uhhh....
short :) haha so yeah it went well. My hair looks good. also guess
what?! It was only 3 dollars for a haircut. This is amazing here! I feel
rich! haha so yeah thats all that happened this week. I sure hope my
letters don't get shorter. Lots of things happen every week it's hard to
not write alot. Anyways I love you all and all that read this. Thanks
for all your prayers. I love you all and will write you all next
Wednesday.

LOVE YOU MOM and DAD

Elder Damian Darrach

P.S the photos are awesome!

CREATE!!

2011-03-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

I spent last weekend helping put on A HUGE writers conference.
It was BEYOND successful.
It was inspiring, educational, entertaining, exciting, uplifting, FUN and LOTS and LOTS of work.
It was the ANWA Writers Conference - "Writing at the Speed of Life."
There were authors, agents, publishers, editors and TONS Of writers.

And it helped me to get back into the mindset of what I really enjoy doing.
WRITING!
This last year has been SOOO crazy. I haven't REALLY written anything in FOREVER. But I really love writing. I got to talk with Kirk Shaw about my book and he'd like to look at it. (he's the senior editor for Covenant!)
Also talked with the Query Letter guru who helped me HANDS on - one on one in the board room for presenters. Yeah, it's true... I cornered her. LOL Why not?

Anyway... now I'm perplexed - I really don't have lots of time to write. I work TOOOO much.
But at least I've figured out that I WANT to write... and I'm going to send Kirk my book and then start writing something else. I have something in mind - kinda weird cuz it's not YA. But it's a story that NEEDS to be told.

Anyway.... pray that I'll find some time ---- Scratch that....
pray that I'll MAKE the time to nurture my passion and kindle the fire that has dwindled in grief, change and just plain exhaustion. I barely got it lit at the conference - and now I've GOT to keep the adversary from blowing it out. Because for sure he doesn't want me to create or be happy.

Hopefully I can get through the next few months - they are going to be HARD ones. Remembering what I was doing a year ago - isn't bringing me joy --- it's making me a bit depressed. (that would be an understatement). I suppose that's MORE reason to dive into something to help me get through it.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite videos~~
"The more you trust and rely upon the spirit; the greater your capacity to create." Dieter F. Uchtdorf

A part of you is still here with me :)

2011-02-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom,

Having an awesome time here! The weeks are going by so fast.... I need to get going more! But i need to take this time to tell you all what is going on down here with me. So Thursday we went to a family where they had all these Native American instruments. I said i could play some instruments and they brought out all these whisle type things and recorders. I was thinking to myself ¨uhh yeah these are ridiculous¨ I had no luck playing them but it was fun. We also had hot chocolate with bread. They do that alot here. But, let me tell you this, I need your power to drink this stuff. They give it to me like still boiling and it takes me forever to drink it. They always ask if i don't like it and i say ¨ No i like it a lot its just really hot!¨ But my tongue heals everyday so it's all good. Also they serve juice with every lunch i have here. It is SOOOOOO good! So fresh too! I love it.

The food here overal is very good. rice with ervery meal and some type of vedgeables. Its all pretty good. I haven't weighed myself in like 5 days but i think i weigh about 260 now. So the Colombian diet here is pretty good! haha nah but i'm doing alot of walking so thats some good exercise. So i am trying to follow my Patriarchal Blessing. I read it everyday and really try and focus on applying it to my mission. I know there is a mission section but i am trying to apply everything to my mission. Epecially the part about goals. I see that it is an important part of my mission here and an important part of my life so i am trying my hardest to set some goals that will make me stretch and that are attainable. For example we always set goals for contacts and never acheive them. So i had a talk with my companion about it and he agrees that we need to focus on keeping our goals or in Spanish metas. Then, we had our first district meeting and zone meeting and the focus was on GOALS! Kinda cool cause that is exactly what i wanted to focus on so we're gonna get it done.

Oh so funny story. I was walking out of my apartment on Saturday i think and saw a picture of Juan Pablo Montoya on the cover and was like oh thats weird i wonder why they have a picture of him on there. Then like a split second later it clicked. He's Colombian! hahaha I just remembered now that he is Colombian. Thats so sweet. Keep me posted on how he does too.

So Sunday we taught Familia Falla, the three kids that are going to be baptised this Saturday. We had a member come with us. She was Catholic and was baptised awhile ago. long time ago. She is an older lady. Her tesatimony is soooo strong. She basically taught the lesson. We had the dad and mom sit in this time and the dad had some questions about some stuff like what happens to kids when they die without being baptised. I knew right away and started flipping to the scripture in Moroni 8 but Gloria, the lady knew too and answered right away i was like ok cool good practice haha. But my companion asked the three kids if they knew that this church was true and have they prayed about it. Usually they are joking around and not paying attention but when he asked this the room was so quiet and filled with the Spirit, they nodded and said Si. I was so excited for them. I wantd to get up and yell like Kyle Busch just hit the wall in the middle of a race. Oh by the way aesome about Kyle Busch even though he finished good still.

Sooooooooooooo... I AM BAPTISING THIS SATURDAY!!!! Whew this is crazy. During a lesson with familia Falla my comp asked them who they wanted to them to baptize. We mentioned of course that it's better to choose someone other than us like the bishop or the priests in order for them to build relationships with the members and all of them said no and Camilo the 15 year old picked Elder Huaman who has tagged along with us for the past couple weeks. and Paola who is 13 put her hands on my shoulders. I was like what?!! No way. and the third Estefania who is 12 picked my comp Elder Cornejo. So all of them want to be baptised by us. But, on the good side we got Dayana the other young girl who is 12, she wants to be baptised by one of the priests so thats sweet. But yeah crazy. haha My comps say that i'm going to be the youngest Elder with a baptism in this mission. So 2 weeks 5 days and i'm baptising. AHHH! haha its surreal. But, whatever the Lord wants me to do i'll do it.

So this past Monday and Tuesday we had Zone Conference. We had like 5 areas come and we did some practices and heard some teaching from some of the missionaries and Assistants. what was cool about it was Elder Sherwood, Stallings, Wilburn, and Francom were there! We had 5 out of the 7 of my district in the MTC there at the conference. I was so stoked to hear also that Elder Wilburn for Sunday and Monday would be staying at our place. His area is Aguazul which is Blue Water get it Agua and Azul. So that is like 8 hours away from my area along with Elder Stallings who is in Yopal. So it was cool that El. Wilburn could stay over. BUt, that first night some of the elders were being loud and we got a phone call from the room below us. Granted now i was already in bed with my lights off. I know when the phone rings at night it means something bad cause it´s happened before. Well the lady was cussing out Elder Thomas who is in our room with us. He is an American too. He is the zone leader. So he just kept saying ¨ Señora señora señora. por favor. then he said one thing and said buenos noches and hung up. She called again and he didn't answer. About 5 minutes later we heard a loud bang on the door. It was the POLICE!! they were banging on the door and Elder Thomas shut off all the lights went into his room and waited until they left. Well the hall light shut off outside and one of the Latinos thought oh they must be gone. and the Americans Wilburn and Thomas were like no don´t and he flicked on the light and BANG BANG BANG harder hahaha. So after that i heard nothing but apparently Elder Thoas talked with them and everything was cleared uyp. It was pretty funny the whole situation. I knew i was protected because i had been obeying all the rules of the missioin and being 100 percent obedient so i felt that i had the Lord on my side and i was fine.

So about conference now. So we started conference with testimonies of the new missionaries that have arrived. So two hermans went first then me. So before i go into this let me tell you this:

EVery single person here can´t say my name. Which i new from the get go. So i was prepared one hundered percent. So i've been called Dare rock Dare ahCH. But most people here call me Elder Dare ahCH with the double r rolled. It sounds sweet i love it! So yeah now back to my testimony.

So i was called up by Dare ahCH. He stumbled like twice to say it and i just nodded yeah thats fine. So I get up there to the podium and say all in Spanish of course: Good morning my name is Elder Dare uhh Dare ahCH Dare rock whatever you want to call me. and everyone started laughing so hard for some reason. It surprised me but cool i was fine with it. Good way to break the ice. There were like 50 missionaries there by the way. So i gave my testimony of how i loved the people and how they are all really nice here and i´m grateful to be here and ended. My comp and Elder Huaman said my Spanish was so good and that it was the best of the rest of the Americans. I said thanks but i´m sure the others are good to and that i need more practice. I tried to be humble about it. But it did make me feel more comfortable and more confident in my speaking. After the complimnet i said a silent prayer inmy heart of thanks for the gift of tongues and thanks for all the blessings i have in my life. Thats one goal of mine is to never ever be prideful of the things that i accomplise because they are not my teachings but the Lords. I feel that Humility is one of the most important qualities of a missionary. Because right when you start thinking that everything good that is happening is because of YOU then you aren´t serving for God you are serving for YOU. So just something important i want to always do. So we did some teaching exercises and also got another compliment! That i am so much better and fluent in my Spanish when i teach now. Another blessing of God. haha so of course after that i said another silent prayer of thanks and continued working hard.

So the first day was in a stake building and the second day was in the Bogota Colombia MTC! WOW it is sooo small haha. It is the equivilant of on building in the MTC in Provo. pretty crazy. But to start the meeting some of the missionaries were late and didn´t get breakfast. So President Hacking gor up to start the meeting and said i know some of you are sad cause you didn´t get any breakfast but, this is what he said:

FALTA DE PLANEMIENTO DE SU PARTE, NO SIGNIFICA EMERENCIA DE MI PARTE.

which basically means: Bad planning on your part, doesn´t mean an emergency on my part.

Thats your saying! haha i was laughing hard inside. That was a nice reminder that a part of you is still here with me :)

So yeah that was awesome. All of conference was really awesome! It got me pumped to teach more and talk to more people also just typing this gets me pumped too!

So everything here is sooo good. It´s going well. Some of the Elders have gotten sick because of the food and have diarria. But the Lord has kept me healthy and strong. I love you all and am going to end this email with my testimony.

Yo se qué Jesucristo vive y la iglesia de Jesucristo de los santos de los ultimos dias es verdadera. Yo se que José Smith fue un profeta verdadera y Thomas S. Monson es nuestro profeta hoy. yo amo esta obra y gente aqui. yo amo enseñar mis investigadores. Tambien yo amo que todas situaciones aquí son real. Yo testifico que yo estoy aquí por una razón. Y tambien que yo estoy aquí enseñar personas que nesecita (wrong speeling) mi enseñar ellos. Yo comparto estas cosas en el nombre de Jesucristo, Amen.

I love you all and have tons more to say about my testimony but it just takes more time to type in Spanish. I love this work and i wouldn´t want to be anywhere else. I love hearing that Ashley was baptised what a great joy i have in my heart about that. I will feel the same this Saturday. Our service will be held at 9 o clock am. which is 7 your time. WooHOO! haha i´m happy here and am safe. I´m doing so good and i hope you all are good too. LOVE YOU ALL!!! Talk to you next week. I'm sure i'll have even more to say.

Your missionary and son,

Elder Damian Darrach

Tomelo Satanas!

2011-02-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

Another letter from Damian- Wed are really my FAVORITE day!!! I actually got to chat with Damian at bit today - via email... we just send short thing back and forth. He was waiting for his companion to get done. It was GREAT.

Alright!
Hey mom i'm still alive here in Colombia.So about the Gutierrez family. I pretty much sat there the whole time. My comp taught the first discussion and when it got to the part of the first vision he stopped and looked at me. I was like wow haha so this is how i start. I quoted the first vision in Spanish perfectly! Whew that was a relief. Then i testified and my companion finished the rest.
Well i have a lot of work to do i thought to myself. But on Thursday we taught the family Falla. We taught abouty testimony. They have 3 kids and mom and dad. The mom and dad don't care to listen but they don't mind if their kids do. Which is awesome. They respect what we do. Anyways, we finished teaching and my comp gave them an invitation to be baptized and they said yes! So they are going to be baptised on the 26th of this month. Camilo who is 15 and two girls Paola 13 and Estefania 12. It was great to hear them say yes to the date.
Also we taught a girl this week who is 12 and her name is Dayana. She is such a sweet girl. She has been taking the discussions for awhile i think and we read with her 3rd Ne. 11 about when Christ came to the Earth and after finishing reading and xplaining the importance of baptism we extended an invitation to her and she said yes. She said she felt really happy and wants to get baptised. I don't know why but when she said yes i had such a happiness in my heart that i have never felt before. Now i know the feeling that all missionaries talk about when someone says yes to baptism.
What an awesome blessing the Lord has given us right away to have success as a missionary. I make sure everyday i thank him for all that has happened with our investigators. I quote everyday from Alma 26.12 in Spanish and it gets me ready and in the spirit of teaching.

So, when we go to appointments i have no idea where i'm going and i just follow my companion around. Everything is so beatup here. I can totally see that it's a 2nd world country. But i love it here and the people. So when we get to an appointment i'm always so surprised when he says we're here. Cause the people like live behind their restaurants and... it's just different. But, it's a good different. So on Saturday there was a Relief Society activity and me and my comp went and some lady taught a lesson and i kind of understood what she was teaching about but not totally. It is soooo weird being the only person in the room not knowing a thing which is going on. It's sweet. I love a challenge. I'm so glad i have been blessed with God's attribute of Patience. Cause i really need it here.

So it rains here at least once a day for like maybe a half hour then it stops. My comp hates the rain. He is scared of the thunder. I laugh at him for it. Good times. I like the rain a lot because we don't get it much! Also, all the Latinos here think its freezing. I'm like elders i just came from 10 degrees and below don't even tell me it's cold. All people here in Bogota think its cold. They all ask me if its cold and i say nahhh never haha.

Sunday! First day in church i was introduced and the bishop is excited i can play piano so i'll be playing every week now haha. Which is sweet so i'll play least get to play some kind of musical instrument here. But yeah i didn't play the first Sunday but maybe this week i think. We'll see. But sacrament was awesome and singing the hymns is different cause most people here can't hold a pitch so it is difficult. But it's the thought that counts haha. I loved Sacrament. I understood pretty much everything that was said and i was really edified. More than at the MTC. I felt the Spirit alot. It was awesome going to Sunday School for the first time in like 2 years. learned about the creation our investigators were there too! So there are like 100 members in our ward so its pretty big. everyone came up and introduced themselves to me. Kinda cool except they would ak a question and i would just say repeat that again. Then i would look to my companion for a more simple translation. There is a little bit of slang i have to get used to so thats one thing difficult to deal with. I went to priesthood for the first time in awhile in a ward too That was cool. We talked about sacrifices i think. I'm not exactly sure on that haha. But all in all it was an awesome experience. So i got to be apart of three blessings this week. Pretty crazy. I had to read from the book because i don't know the anointing of the oil in Spanish. Another thing i need to work on. It's hard to pronounce their cause they have like 4 or 5 names sometimes haha. But i'd get it write eventually.

The busses here are crazy. Transportation period here is crazy. We got on a bus yesterday because we needed to go to another church to do a baptism interview for the sisters and my comp gets on the bus and i' waiting for him to pay and get on so i can. At this time i was waiting to get on. So he moves up and i get like one foot on the bus and he starts going. I was like.... ok so this is how the bus works. The doors weren't even closed and we were moving! crazy. Then when i wasn't fully in he closed the doors on me while my backpack was still outside the bus. Kinda funny.

Also! This was yesterday coming back for an appointment we came one the Transmilenio which is like the light rail except it's a bus. It has it's own lane and stuff so it's faster. But the problem is everybody uses it. When our stop came my comp said this is it so he got on and people started packing in and i pushed myself in there and the doors barely closed. When the bus would turn i wouldn't even move thats how many people were on the bus. It was Awesome!!! My comp hates when the bus is crammed like that. I think its fun.

But anyways i'm having an awesome time here. When ever i feel like i wanna just go lay down or when i'm getting tired i just think of when Christ atoned for our sins and his apostles couldn't stay awake. I have vowed myself on my mission that i will never take a nap here my whole mission or slow down my pace cause my feet or legs hurt. It's worked so far and i am being blessed with success as we teach and find people to teach. I can't believe we got 4 baptism dates on my first week. Tomelo Satanas! (Take that Satan!) I love it here and can't wait to teach some more. This week has gone by so fast and it's just a realization of how fast this mission is going to go. So i need to work every minute of the day and help others come unto Christ. I love you all
and know that i am here in Bogota for a reason and know that i am here to teach people that only i can teach and that will feel my love of the the Gospel and want it in their lives. I love this Gospel love this work and i love you all!!!! I loved reading your letters and can´t wait to hear more.
Keep cooking Dad you rock!

Somos Sus Soldados

Your son and missionary,

Elder Damian Darrach

Damian's 1st & 2nd Letter in Colombia

2011-02-12T23:36:00.001-08:00

FEB 9th----
Sorry today has been such a crazy day!

I have been so busy with things and getting to be a resident they have not allowed us to have anytime to
write so i'll try to write as much as i can.

We made it here ok. This place is amazing, crazy and the rest i can't describe. It hasn't rained all the time just a little here and there. The sky is always cloudy though. At least right now. I am the only elder to write today so be grateful for that haha.

The first night we stayed in the grounds of the temple. it was sooooooooo awesome!!! i woke up to a nice view of the temple. It's all granite too. The second day we spent it with the president and we had breakfast and lunch and i got my area. It's called Salitre. It's located in the city of Bogota. My companion is Elder
Cornejo. He is from Peru and he speaks like 10 words max in english. This is sweet. I will learn Spanish so fast.

The buildings are all made of brick and i have my Colombia (?money). It's 100000 Mil in pesos which is 50
dollars. Everything here is cheap! It's sweet.

I wish we would have had more time too to talk but that was better than nothing. Oh by the way say happy birthday to Emily for me.

The food here i don't know yet but will by next week for sure. I'm teaching my first lesson tonight. It's to the Guitierrez family. We're teaching about Joseph Smith tonight. I have confidence so we'll see what happens.

The trafic here is nuts.
There are no rules! Well there are but they don't follow them. The people in Colombia are the best drivers ever. I don't see how they don't crash more often. People cross the road everywhere.

But, everything is all good. You don't need to worry about me. I love it here and can't wait to start teaching and actually understanding them. That's one thing i don't have and won't for awhile is understanding them. They talk pretty fast so i just got to keep my ears open. I have faith though through Christ i'll pick this up and i'll get used to the language. I just have to have patience. Which i am grateful for because i do have it. People here in Colombia though don't have patience. They honk if they are waiting behind someone for like 10 seconds.

So these past 2 days we haven't really done anything as missionaries because of all this paperwork but tomorrow and the rest of my mission it will be legit. Well i love you all and will for sure write a heck of a lot more next
week. I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!
Somos Sus Soldados!

Elder Damian Darrach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FEB 10th!!!

Dear Mom,

Ok so i get to write home today also because i hardly had time yesterday. So last night after all the paperwork we had dinner with the Elders Quorom president. He is only like 26 or something it was
crazy. We had some pasta soup which was good and a giant plate of shredded chicken and rice. It was so much food i barely finished it. I also had my first soda for like 3 or 4 years. It was a Sprite. It was really carbonated. I better get used to that cause i'll be having a lot of soda here.

After dinner we had a lesson with the Guitierrez family. They have had all the lessons but the dad Alex hasn't prayed to know that the BOM is true and that JS was a true prophet. So we taught about JS and the restoration. My comp talked about Joseph Smith's life and the it got to the first vision and he stopped and looked at me, He put me on the spot! But, with the help of God i recited it perfect and continued on. He continued taching and near the end i bore my testimony and he did the commitment to read and pray about the book of mormon then i testified and verified the committment. After i said if she prayed she would feel the love of God and recieve and answer she said something and i didn't hav a clue of what she said. We finished the lesson and i was so excited. I had done my first lesson for real!

After we finished the mom brought some food to us and i had already eaten so much i couldn't eat anymore. I tried eating and got most of it down. I asked for something to drink and she asked if milk was ok i said yeah and when she brought it back when i drank out of it... IT WAS SOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!!! The milk here is like milk but tastes more rich like someone put sugar in it. It's sooo good. I told her it's better than the
milk in the U.S and we left. I was so excited and we left for our apartment for the night. All went well.

The next morning which is today we did our personal study and comp study and language study. it took
awhile. Hard to explain stuff in Spanish so it takes longer. But it's really cool just speaking Spanish all the time. When we finished our studies we went to a members house for dinner. I had rice and some
vegetables with an egg on top. It was ok. The veggies are different here and the egg york was like orange. weird but it was ok. We shared a message and i shared my fav. scripture in Alma 12:26 and said i am
nothing without God's strength here. That i need to have faith that i will understand Spanish with time.

After that we went to look for a lady's house cause we just got a referral last night. She said we could
come by today and when we got there we couldn't find the house. We called and a man answered and said he was her son and that she didn't want to hear from us. Totally a lie so we didn't go see her and now i am
here in a shop just emailing you all in the back. It's pretty crazy. I love it here. I'm still getting used to the culture but i like it all mostly. After every meal i feel like i'm going to throw up cause the food is different but i haven't thrown up yet haha.

What more.... Um there are 5 elders in my district. Elder Cornejo, me, Elder Tomas (American and zone leader), Elder Huaman, and Elder... some other latino name. But they are all pretty cool. It's good
to have Elder Thomas around cause if i don't understand something i just ask him. Our area is Zarzamora. Its one of the biggest in the mission. We are teaching 3 more tonight. We're going to try and get some baptism dates. Wish us luck!

I love you all and can't wait to hear from
you all. Love you!

Elder Damian Darrach

Where have I been?

2011-02-12T23:14:00.000-08:00

And so the blogging world would like to know where I've been?
(not really - but ya know.... )

Well, I've been
E. All of the above.

Depressed, numb, sad, overwhelmed, lost, determined,

Yeah, I could probably come up with a few more adjectives (or maybe they are verbs!) but you get the picture. Life's been hard for me for the past 8 months. But I think I'm finally coming over the hump.
The good news is - I DOOOOO see the good/great blessings in my life.
I do have MUCH to be grateful for.
It's just hard grieving and acclimating to my totally different life.
Literally there has been an event in my life EVERY month besides Jan. SO CRAZY.

But I'm starting to surface and breathe. Thank goodness.
Updates:

Damian is IN Colombia on a mission, which leaves me and Jim empty nesters (which Jim couldn't be more pleased about). Only 22 months till he comes home!
Jessica is engaged to get married
Sam is expecting baby #2
James and Cheryl are moving into a new soon.
My uncle's house burned down and now he's living with my mom.
I still LIKE my totally busy and crazy job.

I'm ready for the HAPPY to come back to life. Don't get me wrong. I adapt well, or should I say, I keep plugging along well. But as my husband pointed out recently - I've been QUITE numb and I'm feeling like it's time to jump in and start to participate in life and BE HAPPY.

Well, see how it goes.
But for now... I'll post a few letters from Damian. THOSE make me happy!
:) I've missed you all - and look forward to reading about your adventures.

Warp Speed

2010-11-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Seriously?
It just can't be November!!!!
Holy cow, my son is leaving to go on a mission in a month. Whew.

We had the GREAT time of going to the temple. Always a great experience and I think for a parent you get to breathe a sigh of relief that they made it. Or at least I did. :) (I'm so proud of him, what a great kid!)

Jim took the grandkids ( and big kids/parents) trick or treating on Halloween (I was on a plane and missed it all) here is a picture of everyone but James aka Jimmy - Baby Jaydin is the cutest!!

My job is GREAT. I am working for a national plumbing company and I really like it. I don't like that I'm working SOOOOOO much. But I do like my job. I enjoy being there. The job is challenging and the people are fun to work with.

They even flew me (and my co-worker Nanci) to St. Louis, Missouri for training on how to answer the phone. Crazy huh? Actually it was TOTAL customer service training. They are sticklers on excellent customer service. And the trip was great - aside from some crazy travels ....first on the St. Louis Metro link (which was stupid to take on halloween evening- we were swarmed by 40+teenagers *ahem* hoodlum type kids - it was scary!) Then and the horrific flight home... 2 hours on the tarmac. Ya gotta love this annoucement: "ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. Do not be alarmed by the loud noises coming from the back of the plane. We are having some issues with the hydrolics, it's really the computer system but we should have it fixed shortly." (loud noices would be an understatement). This picture is the poor flight attendant explaining how everyone missed their connecting flights and everyone freaking out about the awful noises!

Then after we finally took off - the plane made a horrific noise as it gained altitude- it sounded like it wasn't going to make it. Talk about nerves and tension. I was praying...
Then when we finally leveled off - we hit turbulence. INSANE turbulence - as in.... everyone was a bit nervous until the flight attendant came over the speaker with her voice shaking, "Under no circumstance is ANYONE to get out of their seats! I repeat Under no circumstance, PLEASE do NOT get out of your seats!" I've never been in anything like that before. People were murmuring, crying and TOTALLY praying. It was like a roller coaster - where you feel like your free falling. SCARY!!!!

And I've been working like crazy!!! No time for anything. But we are at least catching up on bills and getting a few things done. Like shots for Damian *ahem* almost $500!!!!!! Not kidding. Sheesh!!!!
Now I need to get clothes for him and luggage. And misc incidentals....
And family pictures....
and ... and.....
I know this month is going to go crazy fast. Damian is speaking in church (farewell) on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, so that means a full house for the holiday. At least I have bought a turkey. :)
Sheesh!

Hello Blue Skies!

2010-09-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

MOST CERTAINLY there has been a black cloud following me around. For like the last er.....year!

And I think I'm FINALLY starting to shake it. Maybe I needed to write Riley's Gift so that I could find my way through the storm????

I've been under SOOOOOOOO much stress, that I was exhausted, depressed and BARELY functioning.

I'm really liking my new job, and the fact that I'm not stressed. I'm making money- will be able to pay my bills and well, my previous job was REALLY stressful. I don't think I realized HOW stressful. They have been struggling to stay afloat themselves and so being the office mangager - it was kinda on my shoulders as well. OH ... and that's besides the fact that my hours had been cut and my pay had been cut (several times) and I wasn't sure they were even going to be able to keep me.

NOW!!!!!

I have a new job that is BUSY! I have so much to do it's crazy. :)
I work with some fun people.
And they even want to pay me overtime to get them caught up.
How great is that?

It's like the *ahem* Black cloud that's been following me around is finally starting to LIFT. And I feel GREAT!!!!!

YAY!!!!! I told my mom yesterday that I finally feel like I can BREATHE.... like I've been holding my breath for months - well since last June. That is when life got interesting for me- and boy it took quite the turn.

I'm grateful for God having a plan for me. For knowing me personally enough to know I wouldn't leave my job until / unless I was forced to. I was there 8.5 years and really loved working for them. But it wasn't working for me financially or emotionally. Nice to know someone is looking out for me.

Thank goodness for obedience - or was it desperation? I figured it wasn't working - we were drowning financially. And something had to change. I'd been prompted and had the feeling I wouldn't be there for much longer. (I can always see this in hindsight- I only wish I could realize it during the time)

At any rate, I'm REALLY REALLY happy to start to feel like me again.
It's great to be back!
So good bye black cloud.......(even though I always knew the silver lining was there) and lets bring on the Blue Skies!

Not that I'm in the clear or anything. I take each moment one day at a time - and today! It's all good!

Never ending Changes ...

2010-09-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

About a month ago my employer told me he'd have to cut my hours. AGAIN (for the 3rd time to be exact). I'd figured out the night before they gave me that information, that we were NOT making it financially. And I have a missionary leaving in Dec? sheesh!

All the debt we've incurred from my husband being unemployed and me not working while I took care of my dad - is enormous. So we can't pay our current bills - let alone catch up on the debt. I would need to find other ways to make more money.

But that would require change. :( Something quite frankly ... I've had enough of this year.

So I updated my resume (which I haven't had to use in over EIGHT years) and began sending it out.
No one called. I sent out a grip more.

I had a few nibbles, but most didn't pay enough. :(

Then I got a call for a phone interview (45 minutes) basically screening people- then they wanted a face to face interview.
That was TWO hours. A million Questions.
She told me I was ONE out of 200 applicants.
T W O H U N D R E D ???????
Oh my gosh.
She then called me and asked MORE questions - and asked for references. Said it was between me and another applicant.

Well she FINALLY called me today and offered me the job.
It's pretty much everything I wanted.
$400 MORE a week
Health insurance -they pay 85% (I lost all my benefits when I left to take care of my dad)
7-3:30
Smaller company

I'm excited and sad all at the same time.
Sad to leave my job of 8.5 years. (they are great people!!!)
Sad to have to commute (it's only chandler)
Sad to work 40 hours (away from home)
Sad to leave the comfortability of my current employer.
Anxious to learn new stuff, meet new people, and have to prove myself.
Anxious to 'perform' - I still feel quite fragile from the last 6 months.

Excited to be in the solution
Somewhat excited about a new challenge
Happy to have a light at the end of my tunnel
Relieved to know things will get better and I'll be able to pay my bills.
Hoping Heavenly Father is in charge and he's doing the directing, because I don't want to be making the wrong choice.

AND!!!!!! I got my pellets today (hormones), and hopefully the timing is perfect. I can be a normal happy sane woman - as I learn this new job.

At any rate.... I'm hoping it all goes well.

I REALLY need life to calm down - I feel like I'm in TOTAL fast forward and there is no off-ramp. :(
(Gosh I wish I could take a week off work and THEN start this new job- but that's not possible.)
I have ZERO time for writing - and can't even find the groove.
I'm hoping once my son leaves to Columbia in Dec, things will be a little better.
Anyway... that's my update of the happenings in my life.
:)

Damian's Concert - Lamb of God

2010-09-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

So things have been tough and we've been scrimping and scraping and just trying to recover from the lack of funds due to unemployment and well, everything that's gone on lately. :)

So I didn't think we were going to be able to go to Damian's Concert with the East Valley Mormon Choral Organization. BUT! We did get to go! (Thanks to Jim getting some money!)
Then I find out tickets were CHEAP!!!!
So glad we got to go - I was moved to tears on more than one occasion, and Damian did such an amazing job. What great talent he has playing music.
It was TRULY AMAZING!!!

Jaydin is coming soon!

2010-09-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

Alicia posted this on facebook... she's 37 weeks!

We are sooo excited!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

Escape

2010-09-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

I've had an excellent weekend hangin with my mom!

I soooo needed to get away from the stress and the stress.... and just BE.
After spending so many days/weeks/months solid with my mom - it's kinda weird to not see her everyday. And I only wish we were closer. I'd go over there EVERYDAY!
But instead I get to come for weekends and spend quality time.

I didn't do much. But Jim on the other hand.... DID IT ALL!
He got up early on Saturday and started digging out the garage - he took THREE load to the dump. The funniest thing. Was - he was on Trip one to the dump and my mom and I were outside talking, I was taking a drink and she said, "Boy, Jim said, 'Now I understand why Krista doesn't want me to keep a whole bunch of stuff."
I the liquid came gushing out of my mouth I was laughing so hard.
(one of the best past times with both my mom and dad - has always been our ability to laugh. Not just laugh- but BELLY laugh)
We laughed and laughed. Then we had some touching discussion about my dad and then Jim got back.

On Saturday we moved a bunch of stuff around and made my mom's nook area look fabulous! Then Jessica came over on Sunday and we got spend the whole day with her. :)

At any rate it was a MUCH needed escape from my busy life. And I'm so grateful for such an AWESOME mom! :)

Miracles

2010-08-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

So my dad always took care of my electronic needs.

All of them.

So I've been missing my camcorder's charger. I've LOOKED everywhere ... twice. I've already lost it once...and he got me a new one. (like last year)

And thats the one I haven't been able to find.

This has been upsetting me SOOOOO much. Mainly because everytime I think about it I tear up and think of my dad.

It's stupid and emotionally brutal. :(

So I look up chargers online...and they aren't cheap ... $35-$45 and I don't have the money or the time to wait for it. I wanna video Damian opening his call (this week) and my camera is dead. :(

So I'm sitting at my desk and I hear... a voice.... "Why isn't it in that drawer?" (or maybe it was: Why? Isn't it in that drawer.)

And almost immediately I was overcome with a feeling - and I burst into tears and pulled the drawer open.... I knew it would be there before I opened it. :*(

There it was - and I've looked in this drawer a MILLION times...

And there it sat. Of course.

My dad is still taking care of my electronic needs.

God only knows...

2010-08-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

Grieving .... I have my up's and downs.
I do really well for several days and then have a mini- breakdown.
I get an email I think, "Oh Dad would love this"

So when I get sad ... I process. I feel.
And sometimes I even grab the scriptures and search for something to lift me up.
This is what I looked up today:

"Please do not despair when fervent prayers have been offered and priesthood blessings performed and your loved one makes no improvement or even passes from mortality. Take comfort in the knowledge that you did everything you could. Such faith, fasting, and blessing could not be in vain! That your loved one* did not recover in spite of all that was done in his behalf can and should be the basis for peace and reassurance to all who love him! The Lord—who inspires the blessings and who hears every earnest prayer—called him home nonetheless. All the experiences of prayer, fasting, and faith may well have been more for our benefit than for his."
Ensign 2002 - But If Not -Elder Lance B. Wickman

God only knows when I'll be able to think of my dad and smile - rather than cry. But I'm grateful for the knowledge and the path my Savior made for me, so I can return home to live with not only him, but those awesome family members who have gone before me.

The PAPERS are IN!!!!

2010-07-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

My son is soooo awesome.
He turned in his papers for him mission and then found out he had to lose about 20+ pounds - BEFORE he could get his calling. Salt Lake called the bishop and informed him of this.
So for the last two weeks Damian has been working at losing the weight. And everyone knows how hard that is.
BUT he did it.
And his papers are officially approved and he should get his call SOON!!!!
Woo HOO.

I'm headed to a Writers retreat on Tuesday....ANWA. And I'm totally excited.
Then when I get back... we should get the CALL.
So excited to see where Heavenly Father will send him.
:) Go Damian!

New Calling!

2010-07-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's true.
I got a new calling.
Education Counselor in the Relief Society.
I'm excited.
I was sustained and set apart and now I'm ready to jump in and face the challenge.
I'm really happy to work with some awesome ladies and magnify my calling and watch the Lord work through me.
Now I just need to be worthy to receive all the things my Heavenly Father wants me to know.
The Blessing that the bishopric member gave me was nothing short of Amazing.
Gosh, it was powerful and pointed.
I love this church. I love the opportunites given to me to grow and learn. I love the priesthood and how awesome the Lord works in each of our own individual lives.
:)

God Loves Me!

2010-07-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Thursday, July 1st
Jim: Where's that shirt I wore to Alicia's Wedding?

Krista: I haven't washed it. like you were going to wear it again anyway.

Jim: It's been two weeks? You haven't washed it?

Krista: Do you know what I go through to wash clothes? I don't think you do. You brought home that washer which was supposed to be better than the washer we had - and it's not. Because at least my old washer FINISHED the cycle. This one stops constantly, and then I gotta bang on it to get it to keep going.

Jim: It's the timing mechanism, it's not that bad. I did fine washing clothes while you were in California.

Krista: Not that bad? *rolls eyes* It can take me up to TWO HOURS JUST to get the clothes washed. Because it stops after it agitates and then it stops again before it's supposed to spin, and then half the time it doesn't spin right - so then I work forever trying to get it to spin - which is impossible so then I have to start over ....and go through that ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

Jim: I don't know what it's so hard to have a shirt washed, the shirt IIIIII want to wear. Do I need to take care of the laundry?

Krista: No, just hook up my old washer.

Jim: that one doesn't even agitate, the clothes don't get clean right.

Krista: Well, whatever I can't deal with this one.

Jim: Fine I'll take over the laundry darlin' wouldn't want to frustrate you.

Krista: *rolls her eyes and then scowls*

Jim gets up and proceeds to wash his shirt - starts the cycle and then comes back to the soaking shirt. Works for about 2 minutes trying to resume the cycle. I walk up to him.
Jim: *frustrated look on face*
Krista: *smug look on face* How's that working for you?"
Jim: *pounding on the machine* Wow, it's gotten a lot worse.
Krista: Walks away pleased.

Isn't marriage wonderful???
Now... onto the title of my blog..... Why does God love me?

Tuesday, July 6th:

Krista Answers ringing phone:

Jim: Hey, the Kehoe's (home he's remodeling for work) have a brand new set of Whirlpool Washer and Dryer that they wanna get rid of. They're a few years old, but it's hardly ever been used.

Krista: God loves me. (and so does Jim) :)

Needless to say I'm BEYOND thrilled. Did I mention I'm excited? First time I've ever had a MATCHING set!!!! I just did my first load and what a joy to just be able to go out there and put the clothes in the dryer. Instead of finagling and pounding and screaming....
Thank you Heavenly Father for being so mindful of me and for always showing me that you answer my prayers. Oh, and I'm sure I've got an angel on my side helping me with those electronic / mechanical prayers..... Thanks Dad!
:)

One Month

2010-06-24T01:37:00.000-07:00

So a month has gone by since my dad's passing. The world still spins and life really does go on.

I've spent the last few weeks trying to decompress and process all that I've witnessed and taken part in. The horrific deterioration of a loved one. The awful effects of cancer. The pain in your dad's eyes knowing he didn't want to let go. The beautiful relationships that were healed. The comradarie of a family torn by death but also risen to the challenge to help the process of life. The blessings the Lord has showered upon my dad as well as the rest of us left here on this earth.

Grieving. What an experience. I think that when you watch a loved one die so tragically and watch the process that happens. From healthy, to struggling, to being so much pain, and becoming paralyzed, to catatonic, and then watch as the organs shut down and the eating stops. To pray for the suffering to stop. To pray to be able to let go. To ask for God to comfort and strengthen you to handle all that is placed before you. When you get the rare blessing to watch all that - YOU PROCESS MORE. You feel more.

I've spoken with people and have come to the conclusion that losing a loved one suddenly leaves a person with a big hole - and it's much harder to process. I'm grateful and my mom says she is too, to have processed so much, cried our eyes out day after day and then laughed ourselves silly riding the roller coaster. Going through the horrific ride and coming to terms and being willing to let go just so my dad could be at peace.

I know he lives, I know death is not the end. I know he is at peace and happy having blessed reunions. How happy I was to think of him meeting various ancestors. Like Frank - who drove a wagon train from Missouri to California in 1865 - what an amazing man. And what joy there is in thinking of my dad getting to be with his father and mother. Must've been a great reunion.

Life is going good. I'm back at work, Jim's back at work.. and it would seem as all the pieces of the broken puzzle are all coming together. I cry a lot. But not for hours or anything. Usually it's only for a short while. Strange how visions come into my head. Usually it's the awfulness of the last 3 months. I hope to be able to have NICE memories flood in, instead of the sad ones. But everything in it's own time, I suppose.

The first week home I was basically unavailable - emotionally dead and drained. Then on June 12 - we went back to Palm Desert and met my family to do the internment for my dad. (where they put the urn in the niche (wall space at the maseleum). That went well.

Then Jim's wonderful daughter, Alicia got married - (see previous post) and that was a wonderful day. But still I guess I was just going through the motions. But I wasn't a mess breaking down. :)
Now this week, I've noticed that I'm completely scatterbrained. As in... I'm cleaning the office - go into the kitchen to get a trash bag - get to the kitchen and start cleaning it up - forgetting I was cleaning the office OR that I needed a trash bag. CRAZY! And I have been doing this ALL week. I tell Jim on Tuesday my dilemma - he said, "What? You've been like this for 3 weeks!" Hmmmmm - well I hadn't noticed until this week.

At any rate... I'm back among the living - going to meetings, and even working on my book - I actually sent it out to a publisher and I'm going to send it another one too! And I've been querying agents. :) I'm bound and determined to get this thing published one way or the other. AND.... I'm working on book 2 in the series.
Life is moving on.... and although I miss my dad, and still have feelings to process, it does appear that all is well. Well just for today it is. :)

Mr. & Mrs. Ruiz!!!!

2010-06-14T01:22:00.000-07:00

Was a great day! And we are so happy for them. Next.... Baby boy is coming in September!!!!

Back to Life....

2010-06-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

It seems odd to be back home and have things 'practically normal'.
To say it's been a rough year would be an understatement. Financial worries, cancer, death, as well as, building faith, trust and learning that I can do hard things, and walk through anything. AND....that every dark and dismal cloud has it's silver lining - if I look hard enough.

I'm actually doing pretty darn good. I have my moments - I miss my dad and I get sad. I cry, and then I put on my big girl pants and move forward. I know that is what my dad would want me to do. "There are no big deals" he used to tell me. Yes.... *sigh* I miss him.

Finding Normalcy:

My husband is FINALLY back to work. He's been unemployed for almost TEN months. This is a great blessing.
I'm back to work- wow it feels good to dive into processes. (I LOVE processes)

I'm opening my manuscript and I'm GOING to finish these edits and start submitting it. One thing that has touched me so much. Is the fact that my dad TOOK the time to read my book. It was THAT important to him. He'd read over half of it - which was a FEAT in itself - because he was NOT reader. So in March, when I spent a week with him (back when he was in pretty good shape) I recorded the last 20 chapters for him, so he could listen - since it was hard for him to sit up for long durations. He read as fast as I could record. He LOVED it and continued to tell me as much. How awesome is that!
Thanks for believing in me dad!

I know it will be hard..... but I know that it's one day at a time. And time will make it a bit easier. But I'm grateful for GREAT friends who know and understand what it's like to walk through this. And I'm grateful for an AWESOME mom - I seriously could NOT ask for a better mom- she is the BEST. And a SUPER husband- who has certainly STEPPED it UP and has become my dream husband - gosh only thing missing would be the accent. (just kidding honey!)

I'll leave you with a song that TOTALLY makes me feel good. It's even about "Heaven". Hope you like it:

Services for my dad-with pictures

2010-05-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

This is the card we made - on the back of it is a poem written by Damian (my son). He wrote this two days before my dad passed away:

GRANDPA I LOVE YOU

The world keeps moving forward

as time stands still for me

Dreams of memories flood my mind

as I wait for what is still to be

As we wait for the angels

To take him away,

I say to myself

Please one more day

But now he has suffered

far longer than needed

I'm wishing those angels

would not be impeded

He has always been a fighter

And that's what he'll do

With his last breath

he bids adieu

Grandpa I love you

Till the day I die

You've always made me laugh

Till I began to cry

Grandpa I love you

What more can I say

For I know in my heart

we'll be together again someday

Me and My mom

My awesome cousin Kim with my mom

Me and Kim

Jeanie and Mike

My mom with Monessa

Mom, Phil & Brenda, Uncle Larry

Mom and Uncle Larry

Kim and Aunt Marilyn

Two of the greatest kids...
Damian and Jessica.

Those are just a few - and of course I'm missing a bunch of people - um... like my husband. Who was there and waiting out at the gate for people - in REALLY HOT weather - I might add.
It was a very touching and wonderful service - my uncle presided and did a great job. I played a DVD - photo video of my dad, that I put together. I'd put it on you tube - but it's over 10 minutes and I haven't figured out how to make that work.
There were several stories shared by friends of my dad that were SOOO moving. It was a wonderful day - indeed.

Finding Peace

2010-05-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

Early Monday morning around 1am I noticed a change... my dad's breathing was different and I could feel the spirit of God telling me we were near the end. My mom woke up - at 2am and told me to go and get some sleep, I knew better. I wasn't going to sleep.

We sat chatting at the table and then we moved to the side of the bed around 4am. I sat beside her and held her hand. We prayed for about 30 minutes. The tension in the room was suffocating, our fear apparent. Again, this experience brought a whole new meaning to the fear of impending doom. Honestly, I was scared, the anticipation alone had practically immobilized us for the last two days. We'd both been dreading this moment, didn't know how it would happen.

We were really worried he would choke and be gasping for breath (he'd had lots of mucus). His breathing was strained and he's started with the guttural noises. The tension magnified. I grabbed my scriptures and started reading in psalms 23 and IMMEDIATELY a peace and calm entered the room-- it was nothing short of amazing. We all calmed even my dad's breathing calmed. I continued to read. It was about 6:20 when Jim woke up and came out to the living room. I read and my mom stopped me thinking he was gone, but he started breathing again. His breaths became very faint. I continued to read. I got to Psalms 48:14 - "For this God is our God for ever and ever. He will be our guide even unto death." I read a few more verses and my mom stopped me again. He had passed.

Grief, relief and peace consumed us. But we knew he was finally out of pain and at peace-- we'd been praying for this fervently for days. Now it was here and we were struck with the reality of death.

But even staring death in the face and watching my loved one leave this earth. I know the truth. I know that death is not the end. I know that Christ overcame death and in so doing we all shall live. I know that my dad is having awesome reunions in heaven and I also know he's got everyone laughing. No question.

What a seriously tragic experience-- to watch someone so strong and full of life completely deteriorate within 6 months. But I know the blessings of God were everywhere. He orchestrated so many things to make everything easier. Might not have seemed easier at the time, but I acknowledge his hand in all things. I'm so grateful to have been here much of the last two months. I think I've only been home for a few days. It was one of those priceless times, when I will never regret putting my life on hold to spend every moment with my dad.

My dad was an amazing man. Who loved deeply, and always tried to be an excellent example. The world indeed is a better place because of him. Many lives have been touched and he will be greatly missed.

My Savior has guided me even unto death - just like the scripture said. I've been saying all this time, I can do hard things. I'm so grateful for the knowledge of the gospel. In knowing God doesn't give me more than I can handle- although it sure feels like it sometimes. Knowing that no matter how scary something is, no matter how wrong and unfair life is, I can call upon the Lord and he will lift me up. I have wonderful friends and family who are there for me. I never have to experience anything alone. Family is what matters.

John 14:27 says: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, nether let it be afraid."

All is Well ... All is Well

2010-05-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

My dad passed early this morning. Although I don't EXACTLY feel like All is Well - I know it is.
I'm exhausted and haven't slept yet. So I'm just going to say... My dad was the greatest....and I will miss him more than words can say. I'm going to get some sleep and I'll post more later.

Fightin Irish

2010-05-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday evening.
Day SIX of no food, and very little water for my dad. I didn't think he could get any thinner-- I was wrong.

The roller coaster has been soaring down for the last week, and the last two days have been ....nothing short of brutal - emotionally. My mom had a really rough Friday and Saturday. I had a really rough Saturday night. Spent the entire evening/morning (graveyard shift) by my dad's side, holding his hand and talking to him (and crying ... and crying- can you run out of tears?) I told him what a great dad he is, and how we will be okay, he will be okay, and how I'll take care of my mom. Talked about what I believe and where he will go and how we will see each other again. Then I even read some scriptures and Damian gave him a blessing. Was very touching and sweet. (I'd said my goodbyes before- but just felt like I needed to talk to him a bit more)

But he's still fighting, and still holding on. Yesterday my mom was quite upset that he's still having to suffer, still not able to be at peace. He's comfortable, we are keeping up on the pain medication protocol. Why does it seem to drag out? Makes you wonder what the heck is going on.

I've always had this image of the White Clip-Board people in heaven. I imagine them dressed in white with clip boards, orchestrating heaven and aiding in the process of acclamation and where to send people. (yes kinda like the workers in the temple). But I often think of heaven and how it's all got to be organized, after all the world was organized and works like a machine. So does heaven. At any rate.... I'm wondering what the heck is going on, is there something else that my dad has to take care of? Maybe we still need to learn something? Or maybe there is a line waiting for processing. Who knows.....
One thing is for sure.... I'm powerless, I'm NOT in charge.

I did manage to get out of the house today - first time since like.... um.... Tuesday. Jim coaxed me out to walk the dog. It was a beautiful day. I can recognize God's beauty and I know he has a plan, I'm NOT really happy with the plan right now. I don't understand why my dad has to suffer so. I have a new appreciation for those who have lost loved ones and taken the ride to the bitter end. Meaning waiting for the body to shut down. I don't know how my dad is still here, he's wasted away to nothing, but yet he still lies here breathing. I don't know how it works, but I know that when God wants to take him, he'll go. Until then we're here to watch it. I LOVE my dad and I don't want to see him suffer, but I will be here and hold his hand, and wait. Because that is what the pure LOVE of Christ is about. Being there for the ones you love and the ones who need you. To bear each others burdens and help one another. I know I'll see him again, I know God loves him, and I know my earthly father and my Heavenly Father love me.
Through the strength of the Lord I can do all things. And it's His strength I'm relying on- one minute at a time.

The Fear of Impending Doom

2010-05-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

So Carolyn, our hospice nurse, came over Tuesday and gave us the dreaded news.
Fluid is filling up my dad's lungs. :( Which means it's only a matter of time before everything starts shutting down. She basically said - days, maybe a week.
At any rate, it's not much fun playing the waiting game. I can be the caretaker, but I'm not liking this phase. I'd rather be like the turtle and hide, but I'm still remaining present today.

After his totally awesome day on Sunday he drifted to sleep and I think both my mom and I knew he'd probably never REALLY come back to "reality".

He sleeps with his eyes open, which is one of the signs - in the book hospice gave us (When death is near) - and while he's sleeping he's in a 'dream-like' state. Where his mouth is moving (talking) and his fingers are moving and sometimes he's even lifts his hands. Clearly he's orchestrating something. My cousin Kim says - he's talking to heaven and getting them all straightened out before he arrives. - cute. My mom keeps saying..."Oh he's fixing things, cuz he's always been fixing things."

I asked Carolyn, the nurse a few questions about what to expect and then asked her if she'd seen someone go from awake to catatonic to hallucinating to awake. She made me laugh when she said, "Well, yes ... but not quite as extreme as Bob. (she smiled ) Bob's really quite extreme." I could NOT contain my laughter - when I said... "Well, that pretty much sums up my dad in a nutshell....extreme, neurotic, eclectic...priceless."
Then she told me to go over that book (When Death is Near) and read the stages. They have this section called 'Possible signs and symptoms of approaching death'. As I read through each stage... I'm thinking, hmmmm he's done all these in different orders. So I finally say to Carolyn, "I figured out, my dad does NOT go by the book." We all laughed.

She told us anyone who wants to see him, now is the time. Jim and Damian came down on Tuesday. Kim, my cousin came back as well. We've all been reminiscencing and enjoying eachothers company. I must say it's been more than awesome getting to know my cousin better and spending a bunch of time with her.

We are all praying for a peaceful remaining time for my dad. He's still in a bit of pain, and were still giving him LOTS of painkillers. But he's comfortable and I'm reminded that I'm NOT in charge. I'm NOT running the show. This is God's time, and His plan and He knows what's best.

I know I'll see my dad again, I know where he's going will be pain free, and the fighting can stop. He's such a trooper, such a fighter and a great example to me. I know my grandma is anticipating his arrival. Kim and I have made reference to her standing with a bowl of macaroni salad (which is all my dad has wanted to eat for the past 3 weeks (my grandma's mac salad).

So ... forget the fear of impending doom, I'm not crawling in the shell. I'm trying to focus on God's blessings and His will in my dad's life and mine.
Thanks for the prayers on our behalf.

The best day!

2010-05-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday by far was the best day we've had in weeks.
My dad woke up at about 3am- wide awake and ready to eat.
He stayed up all day long - we watched a ton of TV. Everything that had been recorded on the DVR.
He didn't talk much - his voice is very faint. He lost it early on. But it was funny because he'd say, "I wish I had my voice." Then he'd clear his throat and then he'd have a voice for a minute.

He ate really good all day long, this was after not eating much for two days and sleeping.
I knew it was a sheer blessing. We got to talk to him a lot and just enjoy the moments we had, because I knew they were growing short.

Both my mom and I were just happy that he was awake and alert. The roller coaster just keeps a rolling.
Well take it for all it's worth.
:)

Be Somebody's Miracle

2010-05-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

We are still plugging along on the roller coaster - luckily we've gotten off the Accelerator and have now been floating on the log ride (I think) (btw- those are Knotts Berry Farm rides). There are still a few turns and a drop offs - but the ride seems to be a little smoother-- well at least the past few days it has.
My cousin Kim has been awesome - being here with us all week. She went home on Friday (yesterday). Her dad, Harry (and wife Sue) picked her up. Harry and my dad have known each other since they were 15 years old. (crazy huh?)

My cousin Pat flew in on Thursday with his wife, Kim. Was really nice to see them. I hadn't seen him in 15 years. CRAZY! So we caught up and my dad actually woke up and was VERY alert for like 10 hours!. Unfortunately he was in a lot of pain too. But it was nice to see him so alert and actually present.

It seems like he has all these realms, it's about the best word I can come up with. I'm pretty convinced it's not exactly drug induced. Because we give him the same amount of drugs most of the time. Sometimes he's totally delusional - and even after sleeping for 14 hours (and NOT being pumped with extra drugs- since he was sleeping) it seems he's really groggy and not really there. Other times he is just really exhausted and can't even move - or barely lift his arms. Breathing takes an immense amount of effort. Then other times he wakes up with strength and wants to eat a bunch and is awake for hours. Like I keep saying... every day is a new day - and you never know what you're in store for.

Now it's just my mom and I. Damian went back home for a rehearsal, Kim went back to LA to take care of her family and Pat and Kim have left to go back home. Seems odd to have it be so quiet, but it's nice. You never know what will happen, but I'm here for the long haul and I'm grateful to be able to be here.

It's funny the hospice people keep saying, "You're doing such a great job." One nurse even said... "Krista, you should go into nursing." I don't know about that. It's MY dad, I have more motivation and compassion. But I have thought about it. More correctly I've thought about the book I could write - be it fiction or non-ficiton - I certainly could write the book.

Writing... is totally on hold - aside from this blog, I'm not even thinking about my book, agents, publishers or otherwise. I'm an all or nothing person, I jump into things with both feet, and everything else takes a back burner. I suppose that would be due to my obsessive nature, you know ... the one I get from my dad. *big grin* We are more alike that I can even imagine, which makes me think that is why I can take such good care of him. Who knows.

But back to "You're doing such a great job."
I keep telling them- "I'm just doing what's right in front of me." I kept discounting my ability to be present.
I am PRESENT. I am here. I am feeling my feelings and going with the process.

I forget some people don't do life as well. I forget that I didn't used to do life very well. I refused to feel my feelings or do hard things, or even be around anyone who's in a lot of pain (be it emotional or physical). Then I realized how grateful I am that I've been blessed to experience the things in my life to bring me to this point. And it makes me wonder how going through this will also bless me with the ability to help others and relate and be empathetic and compassionate to their struggles. For I know that my experience can benefit another- this is NOT just about me. I'm a tool that my Heavenly Father can use to help bless the lives of those around me.
HEY! That reminds me of a quote....

"Be Somebody's Miracle Today."

(Not so) Happy Mothers Day!

2010-05-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

I have the best mom in the world. I am truly lucky. I can't say enough about my mom, she's always there for me, always supportive and loves me sooo much. People tell me I'm a great mom, but it's only because I had a great example.

Today has been ... well, not so good.
And I shouldn't be typing this blog while I'm crying ... my lovely pity party is portrayed through my fingers.
SIGH.
Last night my dad woke up about 10:30pm - and was his usual "cancer" self. Which is funny, and witty ... always trying to make you laugh. He'd only been awake for a few minutes so I'd given him his drugs and then asked, "Do you need or want anything else?" His response: "The remote".
That is one of his comfort things - I'm sure of it. He need to have the remote - in fact his 'hospital' table has about 4 of them on it. With cups, kleenex and a bell (in case he needs to ring it - because for some reason he has no voice). We had a good night/morning. Watched two movies and then the coughing started. I have these drops (which I forgot about until my mom woke up at 3am). I went to bed a 4am and slept really good. (it's hit and miss, and I feel like I've not been getting much solid sleep- it's not restful).
I woke up at 10am wanting to go to church with Jim and Damian since they were here. But there were other things going on. I woke up to my mom panicked. She told me there was blood in my dad's urine bag and white chunky stuff in it as well. We heard about this before - it's the kidney's breaking down. :(
The nurse on call came out - didn't do much to help - but just told us we were doing a great job - and said to just keep him comfortable.
My dad just coughed and coughed - and we tried to use the sucker thing - which worked a little. There is just plain NOTHING worse than watching a loved one in pain, especially with a panicked look-- thinking he was going to choke and stop breathing. I gave him more drugs and a healthy dose of Thorazine. He finally zonked out at noon.
Then at 2pm - the power went out. Unbelievable! The oxygen machine didn't work now, but he was okay. We were just getting a little warm with no AC. Luckily it came back on around 6pm. My dad remained sleeping contently, and still is and it's 1:20am.
I'm still pulling the night /morning shifts / aka - graveyard shifts. Luckily I take after my dad in this respect - him and his crazy hours. I can be a morning person (like my mom ) or a night person (like my dad).

So now we are faced with the grim reality of the progression of the disease. Before now we've really not know where we were at, or how long it would go on or how much the disease was progressing. Now we have more of a gage.
Is that easier or worse? Both. :(
You don't want to see your loved on suffer - but you don't want to lose them either. It's a tough situation, but I'm feeling the comfort of the Lord and know He's here.
I'm never alone.
Thanks for all this support and prayers

43 years!

2010-05-07T00:25:00.000-07:00

On May 6th ... yesterday... my parents celebrated 43 years of marriage! WOO HOO!!! They were set up on a blind date and the rest was history. Crazy huh?

This one's a little fuzzy - you can't tell just how stinkin cute they are ... so here is one more.....

Okay... how about the 25th Anniversary!

A more recent one.... this was taken during Christmas 2009
What great parents I have. :)

Quote for the day

2010-05-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” ~ GORDON B. HINCKLEY

Saw this posted on Facebook. NOT a coincidence. :)

By the way. Today has been a pretty darn good day. Only moderate pain for my dad, we watched TV and caught up on a bunch of shows recorded on the DVR. He ate lots and seems to be doing well this evening. Just a little trouble breathing ... but I'll take that over HORRIFIC pain. :) We LOVE good days.

I love this quote... I'm going to continue to read it over and over.

The Cancer Roller Coaster

2010-05-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

Yep. That's what it is .... a roller coaster.
When you're up ... it's good. But it seems you can't stay up... not possible, it's inevitably going to start soaring downward. Then maybe .. you can stop at the station for a brief stint. But then you're off and running again.
This is TOTALLY my life right now or should I say my dad's life -- he's the one afflicted. I keep reminding myself of this when I start to feel sorry for myself and my mom- he's the trooper the one who's fighting the battle.
Every day is a new day and I try to hold onto those precious moments where his pain is at a dull minimum and MY dad seems to actually be present. I know these moments will grow smaller so I try to enjoy them as they come.

For the most part I hold up fairly well. I'm actually terrified of when my pellets (hormones) wear off. In fact I should figure out when that is and go in as early as possible. But I do find myself trying to allow myself to feel the sadness and anger. Then I follow it up by paying attention to all the tender mercies of the Lord, because there are many. My mom always says that we each need to learn something from this experience. How unfair it is that someone should have to suffer, but it's not for nothing. There are miracles that come from walking through a horrible thing such as a terminal illness, but only if you chose to see them.

Today was a great day, my dad was in way less pain. Yesterday wasn't as good. He was in pain and it's new pain, usually his rib pain is in the upper ribs - now the new pain is in the lower ribs. :(

So today my mom went to work and my aunt Marilyn stayed with my dad while I ran to the store. She has been such a great help. What a great sister she is and my dad appreciates her so much! She made the best meatballs and pasta- he's eaten it for 4 meals in a row!

Once I got back my dad and I watched movies and tv. He seemed content and it was great (like we pulled into the station for a break). Around five it all stopped as the lower rib pain kicked in full force, then the balancing act ensued or should I say the roller coaster took off again.
I acted fast and started in with all the drugs. Then he began complaining of a headache.
Seriously???? A headache? Huge amounts of Morphine & Dilaudid isn't working on the headache?
UGH.
He finally dozed off about midnight tonight - still grabbing his head in his sleep. But at least he's sleeping, was up much of the day. Still it's hard to watch him in pain as my mom and I stand over the bed ... sometimes it's just so surreal and more than I can handle. But I can do hard things, and I'm grateful for knowing that nothing lasts forever. Which is kinda a double edged sword. I don't want to lose my dad, but I don't want him in this much pain either. So knowing it can't go on forever is comforting and awful all at the same time.
But then again I'm comforted to know my anger and sadness wont last forever too.
The only thing that stays the same ... is change.

God has a plan, and I know this. The prayers and support we've received are awesome. My dad has touched so many people's lives it's great to see them show up and visit. He's a great man, and I'm grateful he's my dad.

Doing Good!

2010-05-02T00:08:00.000-07:00

My dad is doing pretty darn good.
He seems to be stable. His pain is managed well and we are actually giving him a little less morphine.
They came and upped his pain pump (which is installed in his back- and has a catheter that runs up to where his tumor is) and that seems to be working better to. Each time they increase it - it goes up 10%. They've done it tons of times. Weird.
At any rate ... things seem to be stable. Which is wonderful. Because the touch and go crap wasn't fun.
He's pretty comfortable watching TV and movies and he NEVER complains. How is that possible?
I'm not sure. I marvel at his great attitude. Ya know they say when you're faced with really hard things - you really get to see what you're made of. No question my dad is made of gold, because he's still got a smile on his face and keeps everyone laughing. :) Tough stuff.
I'm back on the night shifts - and so I stay up till 3-4am - when my mom gets up and then I go to sleep. (and I take naps too).
I'm here for at least two weeks. Jim and Damian are coming out next weekend, so that will be good.
I constantly recognize HIS hand in all things. For this I am grateful.

Happy Anniversary!

2010-04-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

So my wonderful cousin offered to stay with my mom and dad so I could go home for a few days. Which was nice, considering my wedding anniversary was on 4/29.
My dad was doing so much better when Damian and I left on Monday afternoon. We got home to a clean house and a husband who had even done all the laundry! GO JIM!
I had a great few days - boy they went fast. I managed to stop by my job, which is pretty much non-existent. The economy is killing them - and they can't seem to even buy work (Concrete Contractor). My boss basically said unless they REALLY got some work I probably wouldn't have a job to come back to. Which wasn't news to me. They have been managing pretty fine without me, so it's only common sense I'm out of a job. I did talk to him about laying me off so I can collect unemployment - so at least that will help.
Isn't that great???? BOTH Jim and I can collect unemployment. FUN TIMES!!! :) woo hoo.

Anyway.... Jim hopefully will be back to work soon. We keep hearing that, but somehow Heavenly Father keeps blessing us and I'm shocked by the tender mercies of the Lord and how he REALLY does know me - and knows exactly how to take care of me and my family.
I find it amazing that he's can orchestrate everything. As in... a month ago my boss wanted me to start showing him how I do things. At first I was offended by this. Now I realize..... it's all for the best. I'm able to take care of my dad without worrying about work or leaving them hanging. Weird huh!

For our anniversary Jim and I went out to eat and then wandered around the mall. Picked up a mothers day present for my mom --- and SHOULD Have picked up something for my parents for THEIR anniversary. DANG IT. Just means I'll have to sneek out sometime this weekend.

My husband and I have been married 10 years - but we've been together for 18 years (well, on July 23rd it will be 18 years). Where on earth does the time go????? Holy cow. Craziness.
So... happy anniversary to the LOVE of my life..... JIM.

Yes... this was taken in 1992! And yes.... my hair naturally is THAT dark...- well actually my natural color NOW would be... gray! ugh.

"Who kidnapped me?"

2010-04-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

Alright- It's been a CRAZY few days. I'll try to catch up and give the run down of events.

My cousin Kim came into town on Monday and -boy was she a Godsend!!!! So helpful and just having another "mom" type person here was comforting. By "mom" person ... I mean someone who just knows how to jump in and do whatever needs to be done. She's kinda like my dad's first daughter. My aunt Marilyn and my dad are only 11 months apart, so they were close and he was very close to her kids. But life happens and we've all moved throughout the country and gotten busy.

Both her and I were on dad duty Monday evening (well into Tues morning) - I was upset that my dad was catatonic and not waking up and as I sat next to his bed watching him I noticed that he was having vivid dreams and scrunching his face and moving his lips (like talking). I figured the drugs he was on- were giving him intense dreams. I checked the "drug log" and figured he was overmedicated, and really HOPED that he would come out of it. I finally went to bed at 1:30am, as I lay down I prayed my heart out. I wanted Damian to be able to talk to his Grandpa before he passed away. Then...my mom woke me up at 3:30am - saying Dad was awake.

He was awake and GREAT ... it was an answer to a prayer- for sure. The drugs had finally worn off and he was doing good. Dad asked for food (which he hadn't done in months- I'd been forcing him to eat). He had 5 little meals from 3am-8am. And was STILL hungry.

Carolyn, the nurse came over and was so surprised. He started to get a little agitated and Carolyn said to give him some Adivan - which is what they gave him Sunday night and knocked him out, and caused those crazy dreams. I didn't want to give it to him. Later my mom said... they really want us to give him that stuff. Reluctantly I said ok (cuz I'm kinda the drug administrator- LOL). Within 15 minutes.... he started talking crazy. And the hallucinations began. This was at 2:15pm. It was a roller coaster ride like NONE other.
H O L Y C O W!!!!!

He was watching a vacuum advertisement and wanted us to check our vacuum for batteries - told me to call my mom and have her do the demonstration at work for everyone- it was very important.
Then he became obsessed with the remotes and changed all the batteries in them. Then he asked about the Semi Truck -and was worried if we were all okay. Kept saying "Were going to fast, it's not good"
These were just a few of things: "Have the police arrested us?" "Where is Robbie?"
Rob is my cousin (Kim's brother) he asked to talk to him so Kim called him and Dad asked when can you get here?). It was so awesome- even in his hallucinations he's bringing the family together. (Rob got on a plane the next morning).

I was hoping this STUPID drug would wear off in 6 hours - but NO luck. In fact he got worse as it got later. He asked about the border - and wondered it Rob's phone worked in Mexico. Then he wanted to know where he was, how all of his stuff got here. It was awful. I finally sent my mom to bed - she was exhausted, and has such a hard time watching my dad's pain get worse.
The WORST part --- was he didn't know he had cancer and so he thought we were doing things to him-- causing him pain. He wanted to know if ALL of us were involved in THIS?

It was ROUGH!!! His pain increased and he kept getting the hiccups, he started freaking out and wanted to pain to go away. The awful scared look on his face is what brought me and Kim practically to tears and no matter what drug we gave him - he still didn't sleep. It was like the stupid drug KEPT him awake and in panic mode. (it was damage control at it's best- just us trying to keep him calm and combat all the crazy thoughts) But we managed to get him calmed down and he finally drifted off to sleep around 5am.

The next morning---- (late morning) he woke and was still a little disoriented but his question was.....
"Did you figure out who kiddnapped me?" UGH. We laughed .... and said, "Well it doesn't matter cuz we got you back!" ..... we just wished his head would clear. Which it finally did awhile later. I told the nurse of the reaction and she didn't think .025 mg would do that kinda reaction and I said... "Well, it did. No question- it did."

He's doing much better now... and they have given him Thorazine for his hiccups and the pain management people put a strong muscle relaxer in his pump. So far today he's been doing GREAT!!!!
He even asked for McDonalds and then put on Ironman - and the volume (of course) is MAXED... it's SOO loud. Just like the way my dad likes it. And then later in the evening he wanted to watch Sherlock Holmes - so it's a Robert Downey Jr. Day. LOL

On a sidenote - my mom and I went to Forest Lawn and took care of all the mortuary arrangements.
She feels so much better to have all that taken care of. :)
It's a good day... here in Palm Desert.
Thank goodness for the many blessings and for me being able to STAY outta the way.

Cancer Sucks

2010-04-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

Lets see... LOTS has happened.

Wednesday and Thursday were good days. My dad seemed to do much better with his pain. Started eating really well and didn't sleep much. Watched LOTS of TV. The BAD thing is that the paralyzing grew worse. He is NOW paralyzed up to his waist- no feeling - no movement. He was bit freaked out about it- wondering if was going to crawl all the way to his head, and wondering if his organs would start shutting down.

Friday I planned to go home. But didn't leave till the afternoon - since we had the social worker coming over and the nurse came over too. I stayed up much of Thursday night - (because I always take the night shift so my mom can sleep- she's usually up at 4am on a normal basis- and I don't mind going to bed then) I was researching the pain pump and how many people have been paralyzed from it. There are a handful. But then again my dad's tumor is near his spine.

When Carolyn, the nurse, showed up on Friday morning-- she said she didn't sleep well and got up to research his charts. She then showed us several pages of his analysis and a print out of the spine. Showing us where his tumor is and what it's affecting as it goes into the spine. It affects paralysis from below the nipples down to his feet (exactly what's happened to my dad). She was so sweet to let us know that. The report also said several of his ribs were deteriorating. She also spent some time with my dad comforting him about this and reassuring him about the organs not shutting down (yet).

The social worker went over all the usual things...and just talked to us. I finally left at 3:30pm, my dad was doing REALLY well.... hadn't even taken any oral morphine - just used the Bolus (which is a button to use with his pain pump).

I got home at 7:50 and went straight to work (since Jim and Damian were at a Coyotes Playoff game until after 10). I worked for a few hours getting the office caught up. Saturday was a blizzard of catch up- working for my other boss and going to the store and then heading to a church conference. Which was awesome - recharged me and helped fill my spiritual cup.

I got home from that at 9pm and called my mom. She said my dad had been in a lot of pain, but the nurse had come and started the catheter, but she was worried about the pain.

I went to sleep then woke up and STILL in bed I called my mom. The pain had been UNBELIEVABLE and it was beyond awful. My aunt was there (thank goodness). I guess my dad was freaking out, thinking THIS was it .... told my mom it wasn't looking good, then told his sister, what a great sister she was and how much he loved her.

The nurse finally showed up and broke out the emergency box and started in with the liquid morphine and the happy pills (which calm you down--- I need a box of those to take home). Then they pumped him full of Dilaudid and oral morphine and pushed the button. Just completely drugged him.

I of course.... jumped out of bed, got dressed - zipped up my UNPACKED suitcase and told Damian we were leaving in 30 minutes. On the road we went. When I got here.... he was out... snoring away. My mom was so happy to see me. Luckily my aunt and her husband were still here.

My dad was fidgeting around and I could tell he was still in pain - even drugged and asleep his body was reacting to the surges of pain. He was flinching and his whole body would SHAKE - even his legs would move around - it was weird. We kept giving him the liquid morphine and he did manage to barely wake up and I gave him a muscle relaxer and an oral morphine pill.

He's calmed down a lot. Now he's not flinching at all, his legs are relaxed and it's almost midnight. So it seems he's a bit better - because I haven't given him any oral pills since 5pm. (but did push the button at 9:40)

It seems this cancer thing changes from day to day, you just never know what to expect. It's so awful that a person has to go through this, no one should ever be in this much pain. How awful it is to watch your loved one suffer, and those around them. All the while trying to process your own grief. It's almost surreal ... but one day at a time I can do hard things.... I'm not alone. I'm aware of the tender mercies of the Lord and how mindful he is of me. I feel as though he is orchestrating everything around me and I pray to be receptive and discern what choices to make. To be as useful as possible without letting emotions, grief and the process itself thwarting my way.
I know death is not the end, I believe in Jesus Christ and his atonement for each one of us. I know he conquered death -- thus paving the way. And today, I'm extremely grateful for that knowledge.
Thanks for all your prayers, they really do help.

The "H" Word

2010-04-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

So it became obvious that my dad wasn't able to walk on Saturday night. He tried and it wasn't working, he said his legs were like rubber. So my mom called his nurse who was out of town until Tuesday (made an appt for Tuesday). Well by Monday we were getting really worried and so we started calling all the doctors. The oncologist suggested Hospice and said he would refer someone over. The lady from hospice showed up at 1pm.

JoAnn came over and started to explain hospice. My dad was NOT happy. He was shocked. Never considered being at that point. Hadn't wanted to even think about dying. The visit didn't go well, and once she left he felt like she was trying to talk him into something. Even said, "She's just trying to get a commission for signing me up." CRAZY! Of course we explained that Hospice doesn't work like that. He felt like if he signed up for hospice he had to give up on LIFE. *SIGH* No amount of explaining helped this. He wanted someone to look at his legs. He wasn't buying the "oh it's the cancer" - What if it's not?? He kept asking.

It was a rough night. My mom had an awful night the night before (Sunday) and was up with him every hour. I decided that I would take Monday night and let her sleep. So she crashed on the couch watching TV and I did dad patrol until 5 am. He was in A LOT of pain. :( I've spent a lot of time working at managing his pain and getting his food to stay down. As of Tuesday afternoon - he's been really successful at eating and not throwing it up- or his pills (like he was). So that was really good. In fact since he'd stopped throwing up all his food - he was eating more.

Anyway.... Tuesday... TODAY.... Jesse showed up with JoAnn.
He is - I believe - An angel. What an amazing man. He came in and did everything he needed, he was so kind and understanding and REALLY helped my dad to understand the process of hospice and drilled through his stubborn head... that it's to HELP him. (and us as caregivers). And he even said he did NOT think his legs were caused by paralysis from the cancer. Said that would start more from the waist and moved down. Not from the feet up. Said it was due to him not moving or getting out of bed, and just being weak in general from the cancer.
So my dad signed up for hospice- and then we watched the miracles happen.
Within four hours - we had an adjustable bed, wheelchair, walker, portable potty and oxygen tank delivered. The nurse is scheduled to come out on Wednesday (tomorrow) along with a strong RN who will help my dad get into his new bed (which is in the living room so he can be among the living- watch tv...etc).

They will also have a social worker who will help us with extra care and a plethora of other things, like insurance and power of attorney - everything. :)
AND...they are getting a physical therapist who will help him to get some strength back in his legs. Something that really made my dad happy and prove to him that hospice wasn't just trying to stuff him in the box.

AND... the doctors upped his dosages - A LOT. Personally I think TOO much. I don't agree with their dosages....and I know that my dad will NOT be able to stomach THREE 100mg morphines at one time. (right now he's taking ONE and it's been a struggle to keep that down). I'll be discussing this with the nurse tomorrow. I was hoping they could give us an alternative means to take the medication - as in a patch or under the tongue so we don't have to stress him throwing up the pain meds - then starting ALL over again. It's exhausting ... for HIM...and US.
At any rate... I suppose that LONG talk - or should I say the pouring out of my heart and draining my tears to Heavenly Father - seemed to have helped. :) I know he is mindful of me. I know he has a plan and I'm watching the miracles before me.
My dad also agreed to a priesthood blessing today - and so I'm in the process of getting someone over here to do that. BIG MIRACLE.
It's been a good day- think I've only cried THREE times.
*BIG GRIN*
Thanks again to you all for your prayers and awesome support.

Back in Palm Desert

2010-04-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

So I got here on Thursday.
My mom said dad wasn't doing well. Work for me has been really slow - so I decided that I need to get the heck out of Mesa and come and help my mom. Just had that feeling - ya know? *wink*

Indeed my dad wasn't doing well. Hasn't been getting out of bed much at all. When I got here... I found that he's still in TONS of pain... even though he has the pump.. it's taking forever for them to raise it the level he needs.

My mom was overwhelmed not knowing what to do or where to start or who to call.... because it seemed within a few days... he'd grown substantially worse.

So I went into action mode.

I knew there are lots of things available ...we just needed to figure them out. We needed to call my dad's nurse, and call the pain management people and have them COME to the house...she kept taking him there... HE CAN"T do it...

My mom called the nurse...and HE is going to meet with us on Tuesday...and go over what we can do... like hospice and other options. The pain management people are coming over Monday- hoping that will go better. He needs more boosts - so he doesn't keep taking the oral drugs which make him throw up- the boost goes right into his spinal cord. That would help.So that is good... focusing on the solution.

He needs someone here 24/7. No question! It's a FULL TIME job. Friday was a HUGE roller coaster... and it didn't end until almost midnight. The cycle of pills, trying to eat, throwing up, and the process (straining our brains) of trying to figure out how to manage it all is CRAZY. Luckily we laugh about it much of the time! LOL (my dad hasn't lost his sense of humor - not at all- Thank goodness!)

I'm a chart freak... and my mom hasn't been able to chart anything.. so I started charting pills and dosages, what he ate, when he threw up - just to get a better idea of what was working and what wasn't. The Good news - is we did learn a few things and now TODAY was actually better, he's only thrown up 3 times. (and mild at that). Slept a whole lot more and seemed much better.

In fact my Uncle Larry came down with Father Bill and we had a nice visit. Was really nice to see him. And my dad even had a nice visit - where he was being his usual funny self. (well almost usual).

So hopefully things will get better. Or at least be more manageable. Some kinda relief for him, is what I keep praying for.

Anyway... I took most of next week off and I'm staying here. Think I'll go home Wed night - and then catch up work Thurs- Friday and Saturday if needed -

I need to come back though (obviously) my mom has a BIG event on the 20th.

Anyway... I'm doing good (have my breakdown moments- but for the most part- I'm good). I KNOW God is mindful of me and my mom. There are undoubtedly tender mercies that are being shown to us. And my mom is aware of them too. I've been praying and reading my scriptures daily, which is KEY to my sanity and my emotional state. (along with my bio-identical hormones- he he). I was telling my mom that I know I'm just being guided and directed - and although sometimes I feel like a shell - I do know that HE is taking care of everything- I need not fear.

Thanks to everyone for the prayers, truly I can feel them, and I've been receiving the strength needed to endure. I can't do any of this alone... and I'm sure glad I don't have to.

Dad update

2010-03-29T01:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm here in Palm Desert for the weekend.
It was my birthday weekend. Nice to hang out here with my mom. And go to the hospital to visit my dad.
He was doing so much better in the hospital. I know it was due to the fact that he had an IV and wasn't throwing up like he was at home. He takes so much pain medication (which still doesn't take all the pain away) that he throws up a lot.

So they installed the morphine pump - which puts the medication straight into his spine and up toward where his tumor is (lung cancer). Supposed to help a lot. But when he went to come home.. he was in A LOT of pain. I'm (my mom included) worried that since he just laid in that bed - instead of walking around - his dosage wasn't high enough to REALLY manage his pain. -- Guess we'll see.

Just must say.. it was a bummer to see him come home in the SAME amount of awful pain that he went in with. We were hoping for some improvement. I guess as long as he's not throwing up that's a plus.

Here are few pictures from my visit to the hospital. He was doing SOOOOO much better. Almost like my dad was back... he was smiling and laughing and even had some color in his cheeks. Was also eating really good ... so hopefully he can gain some weight back - cuz he's soooooo skinny. It's unreal.

This picture below was the view from his room... pretty gorgeous!!!

We go home tomorrow - I would like to stay all week and make sure he's okay. But maybe next time.

It was a pretty good birthday - nothing earth shattering... but then again the older you get - the less earth shattering you want. It was nice to spend time with my mom and watch movies and chat.

I'll be back in a few weeks.....

I can feel the prayers of everyone...and the love the Lord has for me. It certainly makes this whole terminal cancer thing a tad less awful (I was going to say easier- but seriously - is there easier? I think not). Was talking to my mom - some days are better than others. Some days I'm just a complete mess - then others... I can be rational and lucid.

I know God has a plan, it doesn't always align with mine, but when I align my will with his... I'm always happier (might be after some kicking and screaming- but eventually I'm happier). Thank goodness for the gospel in my life and the wonderful friends I have. I love you all!

YAY!

2010-03-23T23:57:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to say I'm doing SOOOOO much better.
If I didn't go through it myself, I wouldn't believe it. Thank goodness for bio-identical hormones. They have seriously saved my life!!!! WHEW!

Anyway... How about some music...
As I drove home a few weeks ago (from my parents house) I became obsessed (okay i'm always obsessed with something) with Keith Urban - this was the song I absolutely fell in love with. Mainly because - my husband could have written this for me 20 years ago. SOOOO cute. What a romantic story we have. (that's a book to come!!) Enjoy this:

Blogging

2010-03-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

Today was my turn to Blog on the ANWA Founder and Friends....

My post here yesterday inspired me... check it out if you like:

http://anwafounder.blogspot.com/2010/03/like-sands-through-hour-glass.html

Stuck in the middle of the hourglass

2010-03-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Okay... so I've been more than a little crazy. It's true.
Update is my dad, who has lung cancer, isn't doing well at all. I went to California last week to spend with him, take him to an appointment and then just help him much of the week. He had THE BIG Doctor's appointment where they were ACTUALLY going to give him the news. He's been doing chemo and radiation since December and we've yet to know if / how it was helping.
I wasn't very optimistic (internally of course) because beginning of January his pain had gone away substantially - but then a few weeks later.... it got worse. :(
So..... the good news is - the cancer is less active --- the BAD news is the tumor grew.
*SIGH*
Basically they told him:
They are NOT going to be able to cure it.
They are NOT going to do anything for three months- then test him again.
My dad asked about long term - he said... NOT discussing long term.
My dad asked well you've given me 3 months - am I talking years or months-- the DR said.. NOT years.
My dad said he only had 15 months of cobra - Dr. said, lets hope you can use all 15 months.
*SIGH*
So.... NOT good news.
I was so grateful to be able to help my parents- my mom had a HUGE event - and was gone a lot. So I was the cleaning lady, laundry queen and short order cook for my dad. I also managed to record my book on digital so he could listen to it, since he can't sit up for long to read. He was so grateful - I was touched.

I got home made it through Monday and then well.. Tuesday not so much. Was emotionally drained and completely depressed. Of course my pellets were running out (hormones).
So today I called and got into to Sottopelle and now have my new pellets and - What a difference a day makes.
I'm much better today... have a little hope and know that Heavenly Father is watching over me and my family. (and yours!)
Life's hard.... nothing usually comes easy...and even though I'm stuck in the middle of the hour glass... eventually I think I'm going to fall softly (or hard) to the sand beneath me.
RIGHT? :)

ANWA Writers Conference

2010-03-06T01:34:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the American Night Writers Association Writers Conference. Not only did I attend - I'm on the Executive Board, so I helped put the whole thing on. Which was TONS of work - but it was worth it.

We had awesome presenters who educated us and entertained us. It was a perfect day. How could it not be? Rubbing shoulders with Amazing authors? It doesn't get any better than that.
If you'd like to know which class was my favorite you can read my blog on the ANWA Founder and Friends:
http://anwafounder.blogspot.com/2010/03/thoughts-create.html

Here are a few pictures from the day!

Me, with Aimee Morgan (ANWA President) and Valerie Ipson (Vice President)

We took all the presenters to dinner at Macayo's - The guy is J. Scott Savage- author of the Farworld Series. He was the Keynote Speaker and did an AMAZING job! Marsha Ward, Patti Hulet, Valerie Ipson, Aimee Morgan, Jeff Scott Savage, Aprilynne Pike, ME!, Cindy Williams & Sara Fujimura.

Author Interview

2010-03-01T07:15:00.001-08:00

Check out my "Writer's Blog" for an interview with a friend of mine. Her book is coming out this week!

http://kristadarrach.blogspot.com/

1-2-3-4

2010-02-21T04:58:00.003-08:00

Why not!

2010-02-14T22:18:00.003-08:00

I needed to post something..... this is what I've been listening to..... Gotta love the Idols!

Having Faith and Staying out of the Way

2010-02-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

It sounds simple really- just trust that everything will be fine and smile.
Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard. This week is one of the hard times.
Rationally I know God is going to take care of me. He loves me and wants to bless me.

But fear comes in and squashes all that rational thinking. The negative chatter in my head starts listing off all the things that are going to happen. Then I start feeling sorry for myself. The pity party ensues and off I go into a full meltdown.

I've realized sometimes I just need to meltdown. So I give myself a timeframe. 30 minutes. Yep, that's all. Thirty minutes (or less) to cry my eyes out, sulk, be pathetic and voice every negative irrational or rational thought plaguing me. Once the time limit is up... that's it.

Then I buck up - wipe my eyes. And FORCE myself to do the opposite.
TRUST.
It's then - that I ask for help, pray and get into ACTION. Be it getting on my elliptical, opening my scriptures, or calling someone who could use a lift. I DO life.

Life is anything but easy for me right now. Way to much going on, as fear trys to sneek in and imobilize me.
I REFUSE to allow it in.
I choose God today, I choose his plan for me. I have faith that I can endure whatever it is he has in store for me. AND... I stay out of the way so he can bless me.
Just one day at a time. I focus on today. I am present and I am humble.
And ... I am grateful for the knowledge, that it's NOT all about me.

Song for Haiti

2010-01-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

Just gotta say... My Son ROCKS!
He's been watching the aftermath of Haiti for days... finally he decided to write a song for Haiti.
He just blows me away. I told him he had to make a slideshow...and so I have been helping with the pictures and the final touches of the video.
Here it is... I hope you enjoy it....

Grandkids!

2010-01-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

WOW! They grow up so dang fast!

James is already riding a two wheeler bike! And Daniel and Anthony are growing like crazy too! Here are some pictures from our day outside in this beautiful winter weather!

Sent to the Doctor

2010-01-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

I'm really feeling silly about being so connected to my laptop.

But I know I'm not alone. I am on a computer for wayyyyyy to many hours a day.

I use one at work 6 hours in the morning. Then I come home and use my laptop.

I rely on this little thing ... for sooooo much in my life. It's crazy.

I'm always shocked when I meet people who aren't connected to the virtual world. Who have a computer but don't use it, or know how. I've been connected since 1994 and have never looked back.

My computer is at Best buy, and hopefully will be FIXED. I've had problems with it since I bought it. I THOUGHT it was a "Vista" problem. But after upgrading to Windows 7 and having it work properly for about 4 days - I KNOW that it's my computer. *sigh*

Hopefully it wont be too terribly long until we are reunited. Because I'm sad to say I was NOT a happy camper driving away from Best Buy. (where I bought it and it's under warranty and I bought the extended plan).

The Power of Hope

2010-01-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't need a little hope?

Blogging on ANWA

2010-01-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

One of my goals this year is of course to do better and be better.

Also to really make a valient effort at becoming published and increasing my visibility as (dare I say it?) an author. *gasp*

So one thing I've done this year is signed up as a Blogger for my Writers group. ANWA= American Night Writers Association. Today was my first post, check it out if your interested!

http://anwafounder.blogspot.com/

We have a conference coming up - a must if you like to write, or are interested in writing. Doesn't have to be a novel either. We have poets and just bloggers too. Here is the information on the Conference.

The 2010 ANWA Writers Conference,

Saturday, February 27, 2010.

Open to all writers

If you are serious about your writing, and ready for the next step,

this is the place to be!

J. Scott Savage, author of the “Farworld” Series is the Keynote speaker.

Other presenters are:

Aprilynne Pike, New York Times best-selling Author of “Wings”

Doug Johnston, Publicist Extraordinaire

Nancy E. Turner, Author of “These is My Words”

Dr. Pamela Goodfellow, Writing Coach, Editor and Owner of Goodfellow Publishing Services

Sara Fujimura, Author and Magazine Writer

Helen Bair, Counselor and Author of “Finding the Healer in Me”

Arizona’s very own illustrious Marsha Ward, author of the “Owen Family”

These presenters are putting together wonderful classes!

Book signings at end of conference

The Best Western Dobson Ranch Inn

1666 South Dobson Road

Mesa AZ 85202-5699

480-831-7000 or 1-800-528-1356

http://www.dobsonranchinn.com/

Go to the hotel website at http://www.dobsonranchinn.com/

At the bottom of the "Reserve Your Stay" box, click on "Groups"

Enter the password - ANWA-Dec

Complete your reservation

For questions contact, the ANWA 2010 Conference Chair Person,

Cindy R. Williams at cindywilliams@q.com or

Conference Registrar, Krista Darrach at kristadarrach@yahoo.com

Christmas In Palm Desert

2009-12-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas tree Uncle Larry had delivered to Mom and Dad's house. Was really nice since they were too busy going to radiation and chemo therapy. All the ornaments were wired on (lucky me got to take them all off)

Mom and dad.... Opening presents.

Jim my awesome husband did project after project. The biggest one was the fence - on both side of the house. I'm always impressed. Jim rocks!

Wednesday my mom and I headed to Riverside to have lunch with Uncle Larry. Was great!

Christmas Eve

2009-12-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve at our house... with all our kids and Grandkids.

The Christmas Spirit

2009-12-15T09:55:00.001-08:00

Christmas Choral & Orchestra Concert

2009-12-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

Damian had the great opportunity to play for an all volunteer orchestra for the:

East Valley Mormon Choral Organization at the Mesa Arts Center.

Impressive to say the least. Damian was thrilled to mingle with some excellent musicians. He said, "Mom, that was the best performance I've ever been in."

The singing was amazing. The choir ranged from 4 yrs old to adults. The childrens choir was adorable. There was even a little guy who did a solo.

They are starting auditions for their Easter Concert (which will be March 5)

Here is a link to their website. http://www.evmco.com/

I went with Damian's girlfriend Ashley. They met at ASU. We had a great time.

Here are some pictures of the two of them:

Being of Service!

2009-12-03T15:39:00.000-08:00

What better way to start the holiday's then by being of service! Today Jim and I went and volunteered down at the Mesa Cannery. (It's our church's cannery).
On the schedule was Spaghetti Sauce. Which was so cool, I love watching how things are made.
My job was to push the filled boxes through the conveyor so they could be taped (top and bottom). Jim loaded the boxes on the pallet. It was a great day! I never regret being of service (even if I murmur about taking the time to go.)

Nope... no picture of me with a hair net. ha ha ha!

Tribute to Journey!

2009-11-30T11:54:00.000-08:00

I keep forgetting to post these to my blog. I guess I just figure everyone has facebook.
It is true... not eveyone does.

Saturday - final performance for the Sun Devil Marching band! :(

Roller Coaster!!

2009-11-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

I've been a bad blogger.

Gosh, and I used to be so good at updating and posting all the new stuff.

Then OVERWHELMEDNESS happened.

UGH!

It's been a - roller coaster -

Some of the things that have happened include:

Jim being unemployed

A dear friend of mine passed away from Cancer

Another dear friend of mine had a still born baby

James our oldest son - came down with a staff infection in his leg - was hospitalized for weeks - had surgery and is still out of work. It has to heal from the inside out. So they haven't stitched it up.

Jim is still unemployed - and that's NOT an easy thing to endure.

The very latest is my dad has been diagnosed with Lung cancer. Just had the biopsy this week - so we should know more (like how bad, and what the treatment will be) later this week.

Whew! I'm sure I've forgotten a few things - like living with an adult child - for those of you who haven't experienced it... it's quite the challenge!

Jim and I are once again reminded that we don't do "adult children" well. HA HA HA!!!

So that's my meager update. I'm still trying to work on my book, in between meltdowns.

At any rate someone posted this in an email on my writers group I loved it. The discussion was life being a roller coaster and how crazy it can be. A lady (in her 80's mind you) posted this - she'll remain anonymous (since I haven't asked her if I could quote her)

"It's hard to believe people actually pay money to ride a roller coaster. Again, it's strange that on a roller coaster: the going uphill is boring, the slight pause on top a slight worry. BUT....the downward plunge is the thrill people pay for."

I'll try to be better at blogging.

Thanks for reading!

Idaho Vacation

2009-09-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

We had a great time in Idaho - we get a big FAT F - on taking pictures.
However we did take a few - but not many.
We visited with family and just hung out - it was actually relaxing and refreshing to not have a full agenda to adhear to.
Here are a few photos

Taken on our nature walk

Betsy & Tori

Dave & Tori

Tori

Ashley, Zach & Madi

Zach

Natalie & Ashley

Zach

Natalie and Jake

Pictures - Damian ASU

2009-09-10T10:19:00.001-07:00

I forgot I said I was going to post some pictures!!!

Sun Devil Marching Band - First Performance

2009-09-07T03:11:00.000-07:00

ASU - Sun Devil Marching Band - Pre Game show- Damian's first performance.
I'm posting this on my blog for all of you who aren't on facebook! '

It's Official....

2009-08-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Damian has started his first semester of college at ASU!!

He is majoring in.... what else?

Music Education.

And is taking a FULL load!!

15 credit hours.

But of course the best part....

Is Marching in the SUN DEVIL Marching Band!!!

So ... you know what that means...

FOOTBALL GAMES

(I'm going for the band)

CONGRATS TO DAMIAN!

You rock Buddy!Of course... pictures to follow....(at least I got this posted!)

Shame on me!

2009-08-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

Gosh... I feel terrible about this....

Has it really been a month since I've blogged?

Whew.... been stuck in that darn Authonomy world...

It's really addictive and awful. (but fun!)

Okay... really I'm trying to re-focus ...

really I am ...

Promise ...

Wanna good laugh?

2009-07-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH....

I found this website...
Okay yes... someone on Authonomy posted it in the message boards...
No ... I haven't left the Authonomy site ... Yes my family has been neglected ...but it's okay.
Really it is. They dont' miss me. LOL

Okay ... seriously ... check this site out. I was rolling ...

They update pictures each day, so you can go back and see what's new.

Be sure to click on the previous link at the bottom - there are tons of these pictures... the captions make them even funnier.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Tell me if you thought it was funny. Which one is your favorite?

Seventeen more please!

2009-07-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it.”

These are the things Jim Darrach would tell me, on a regular basis. I of course thought he was crazy. I wasn’t attracted to him, he wasn’t my type. Not in any way, shape or form.

Don’t get me wrong … we were great friends. We hung out, did things friends did. But Jim loved me from the moment he saw me, and knew we would be together...forever. Knew it like he knew the sky was blue. I reassured him he was completely delusional. I didn’t have any problem being honest with him. Funny, because neither did he.

Fast Forward three years later…

It was early July, and HOT. The two of us played around in a quiet swimming pool. He swam toward me, I was much quicker then he was, but he was stronger. He caught me, I looked into those deep blue eyes and it was then that I felt the penetration of cupid’s arrow.

I would never be the same.

I fought extreme feelings for Jim for weeks. I rationalized: he wasn’t my type, I’d never liked him (not that way – at least not in the 3 years I’d known him). But he was always there. He always showed up whenever I needed someone. He loved me for exactly who I was.

It took days to plan it. I was terrified. We arrived at the restaurant, my heart was pounding. I couldn’t stop smiling. He repeatedly asked me if I was okay. We placed our order and I took a deep breath and reached in my purse. I held the envelope. Swallowing hard I closed my eyes and handed it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked in complete oblivion.

I remained silent. Terrified, I questioned my lucidity.

He opened the letter. I searched his face, studying it. His cheeks flushed and his eyes danced as he read the words that could not pass beyond my lips. He beamed almost angelically and put the letter down.

My heart pounded, jumping out my chest.

He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. “Does this mean I can kiss you now?”

My head spun, he was adorable. I nodded.

He leaned forward.

My heart stopped, I closed my eyes.

His warm hand slipped through my hair and pulled me toward him. Our lips met, it was electrifying and time stopping.

That was seventeen years ago … TODAY….and he was right…He is spending the rest of his life with me…not to mention eternity!!!

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life. My Jim, my soul mate.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

ANWA Retreat

2009-07-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

So last week I went to the ANWA Retreat -

ANWA = American Night Writers Association

(No we don't all have black cars named Kit)

Needless to say it was a wonderful experience. (aside from the cold/allergies I had the whole time).

I drove up with my two wonderful friends Betsy and Theresa. It was up in Clay Springs, right outside Heber (up north in the mountains). I forgot my camera ... bummer no pictures.

What a great time ... good food, great classes, excellent authors to rub shoulders with. Beautiful scenary and LOTS of time to write. What more could you ask for?

I got a lot written on my new work in progress (which is book 2 in my series). I know ... I still have to edit book one. But at least for July we are doing the Book in a Month and I have a number of words I've committed to. I'm trying to stay caught up.

The classes were awesome - the Theme was Romacing the Story. The instructors gave so much of themselves and filled our cups with inspiration and knowledge.

Of course it went by way to fast ... but I was happy to come home. Not happy to try to catch up on my life. Slowing I'm catching up. Hard when you work two jobs.

Okay... that's enough out of me for now.

I'll be back a little more frequently ... since my Authonomy world has slowed down.

Love you all!

(PS...the picture isn't where we were .. I just thought it looked peaceful)

I'm still alive! Promise

2009-07-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still breathing.
I've been lost in Authonomy...still.
My book has been in the number one slot (on the weekly chart) for a week now.
That means my book is on the home page of the #4 book/author website.
IT'S CRAZY to me that it's happening.
The comments I'm getting are overwhelming. I'm absolutely humbled.

Anyway... I'm trying to find some normalcy in my life, which at the moment is difficult.
However, tomorrow (7/15) I'm going to a writers retreat, and I'm so excited about it I can't stand it.

We will be writing. There will be wonderful classes. And to rub shoulder with some of the most wonderful women, is the greatest treat. We all love writing, so what could be better???
It's my first retreat, and there should be about 40 of us going. It's up in the mountains (thank goodness because, it's been over 110 here).

So I promise to post all about it - however, I will probably post most of it on my writers blog (which has also been sadly abandoned).

Hope you all are doing well. I feel disconnected since I've taken up residence in the Authonomy world. (come visit me there! LOL). But hopefully I'll be able to find some balance soon.

Okay....gotta get moving...lots to do if I'm going to leave tomorrow.

Authonomy

2009-07-01T08:11:00.001-07:00

Where have I been? Well it's simple...I've been lost in AUTHONOMY!

I've found this website dedicated to writers, authors, and book lovers. Filled with all various types of people. It's called Authonomy...a site run by Harper Collins (UK publisher). They are trying to "flush out the brightest, freshest, new writing talent around."

Every month Harper Collins chooses the top five (peer chosen) books. They are delivered to the desks of an editorial board made up of international HarperCollins editors. The board read at least 10,000 words and deliver feedback to the author. Also has a chance at being published.

This is how it works...

You become a member.
You have a bookshelf where you can shelve books you like (or "back" them)
You can upload your book. (don't have to have a book to become a member)
You as a person are given a rating (spotter rating)
Your book is given a rating (usually what number book you are in the group)
If people "back" or "shelf" your book - your rating comes down
(the lower the number the better - the goal is to be the #1 through #5 spot)

If you back a book that starts to fly - meaning other people back it and their number drops substantially - your personal rating drops. (meaning you become a great talent spotter).

If a talent spotter backs your book - you get lots of points taken off your ranking.
If a newbie backs your book - not so many points.

To get people to back your book, you need to read their books, leave comments and ask them to look at yours. There are a lot of good writers on this site. They give great constructive criticism and some even give detailed responses of what they liked about your book. (or didn't like).
It is some PR work, but you put in as much effort as you want.

I'm having a blast! Way too much fun watching my number drop.
I uploaded my book on 6/22/09 - my number was around 3000 (I think)....in one week I was down to 850. Today I'm at 655.
On the Young Adult - Weekly Chart - I'm #9 (out of at least a few hundred! Maybe more)
I don't put too much stock in this system, for it's rather competitive, and you've got to work at it to have people back your book, but it's fun! For sure.
There are lots of great books to read on the site....all kinds of genres. I love to read the comments people leave. I know my book is nowhere near perfect, I have lots of typos and I'm in the process of having someone go through it for grammar and punctuation. (thank goodness).

At any rate.... check out my little space on Authonomy (and yes read a portion of my book).

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=9899

Happy Fathers Day!

2009-06-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

Jim had a great day today. We had Bella over for the afternoon. (look at how AWESOME our pool looks - remember a month ago it was dark green and awful) Jim has worked so hard on our pool.. it's beautiful!

Jessica joined us for a dip in the pool and spent the day hanging out with her dad. It was a great Sunday....

Doing good...Kinda

2009-06-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm doing good with my re-committment.
I started the P90X program - which is an INSANE workout program (you might have seen the infomercial on TV).
Damian and I are doing it...it's Tony Horton - and it's X-treme (as he says. and he's right).
It's muscle confusion - we do a different workout every day (google P90X or youtube) My cousin is a trainer for BeachBody - so if you're interested in purchasing the program... let me know she can hook you up! Go Kim!!!

Anyway....we made it through week one. (Whew!) The first few days we were were really sore. Saturday we did Kenpo-X - which is kinda like boxing /kick boxing - it was one of the easier workouts (anything is easier than doing push ups over and over). We both did reallly well and felt good about our workout.

Well this morning we both woke up and COULD NOT MOVE. I mean it was as if I'd hiked humphrey's peak all over. I could hardly make it to the bathroom (which is only 5 steps from my bed). Needless to say we didn't make it to church. It hurt just to roll over in bed, or let alone move my legs. I stayed in bed until 10:30 and did feel a little better and could at least move.

Luckily we didn't have a workout today - it was a rest day - they must have planned it that way, knowing no one would be able to move after completing that workout.

At anyrate...regardless of the pain and soreness...I'm loving the workouts. It's so awesome to just throw in a cd and follow the program. Then go on about my day. It's a lot easier then trying to get to the gym and working out for 90 minutes and then driving home. Now hopefully we will see some results. I'll keep ya posted.

Google Alerts

2009-06-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

I think this is a really cool thing - and I find it facinating.

On my ANWA email list (the writers group I belong to) someone explained how to do google alerts.

So I did a google alert on my name - Krista Darrach

Everytime someone types my name into google - they email me (meaning google does).

I get an email almost every day.

Isn't that crazy???

I don't know who it is that 's looking for me - but I know when they do.

It's really facinating...publishers and marketing people use this tool to track things.

So check it out and see how many times you're googled (or you can do an alert for anything!)

You do need to have a google account (but if you blog on Blogger you already have one)

Go to:

Google

above the "G" in google click on "more"

go all the way down to "even more"

click on alerts (should be top left).

then create an alert - there are various frequencies and types.

Then you can test it... go google yourself and see if it emails you.

Have fun...

I think it's crazy when I get an email and I know that someone was just looking for me...just wish I knew who it was.

If you google my name... let me know...just for fun.

Re-Commitment

2009-06-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Summer is rough for me. I love schedules, and routines and consistency.
So when things get out of wack – so do I.
Not to mention I feel like I was sick for near to three weeks – either emotionally or hormonally. So now I feel like I am back among the living and ready to embrace life.

I’ve been struggling with Fear – One of my biggest thorns.
Fear creeps into my life slowly – then before I know it – I’m immobilized.
Money is tight, the electric bill is climbing, college tuition is looming.
How is it all going to work out? Gees I can climb myself into a tizzy.
I end up freaking out because things aren’t going my way.

To make things worse….
What I put in my mouth – affects my overall happiness.
I end up making poor choices. I get lazy.
I don’t exercise- therefore… I don’t take care of myself.
It’s a snowball effect – everything suffers.
No longer am I trusting in God’s will for me, because I’m consumed with ME.

Well it all stops today. (actually yesterday)
Today:
I commit to turning my life over to God.
I will only do the footwork – and let Him handle the results.
I will get out of myself – do something for someone else.
I will make better choices and NOT be lazy.
I will exercise my body and mind.
I will take time to feel the Love my God has for me.
I recommit starting today –

I’m looking for the Silver Lining…and seeing through the storm cloud.

(PS- I wrote this before my boss told me they were going to have to cut back my hours(in the next few weeks). Ironic don't you think? Hmmmm. Well, I'm staying out of the results and guess I will have to get busy on the footwork. But I'm not going to worry about it until I have to.)

Need some Validation?

2009-06-12T14:57:00.000-07:00

One person really can make a difference. Can you?
(it's a little long...but worth it)

I'm back

2009-06-12T14:11:00.001-07:00

Whew! I made it back and I think I'm in one piece.

I finally surfaced on Wednesday and it's taken me two days to try to get caught up with my life. Geesh it's just awful to feel so horrible. I never know exactly how bad I feel until I start feeling better. That dang Hashimoto crap....gees! Hopefully I'll have a reprieve for awhile.

Not much has gone on this week, I've just been trying to recouperate. But here's what did happen.
Wednesday was my ANWA meeting, and I was sooo happy to go. I was alert and coherent for it, always a plus. I love that meeting. It's so awesome to hang out with people who love writing as much as I do.

Damian comes home today. He's been in California at my parents for the last week. It will be good to see his "non-emotional" face. LOL

I'm happy to have a weekend - I feel like last weekend I was so sick I didn't get anything done that I wanted to do.

Happy Birthday to Jim's Mom on Friday!
She is a wonderful women who I'm lucky to have as a mother in-law. We will hopefully get up to see her sometime this summer. (not sure how though).

Whining

2009-06-09T10:38:00.001-07:00

OH MY GOSH....

I'm usually not one to complain, but this is ridiculous.
Someone put me out of my misery!
This morning I woke up once again feeling drugged.
I mean like severely drugged.
I could have stayed in bed ALL DAY.
I came to work and started to feel even worse.
It's the strangest feeling, I can't even describe it -
exhaustion, fatigue, just plain WRONG!
It must be the hashimoto effect....at any rate... I'm hating it.
At 8:30 I seriously considered going home - which I NEVER do.
Finally at around 10 I started to feel it lift a little.
So far I can at least function, and don't feel like I have to go home.
I'm praying it gets better....I know it will.
I just want to feel good.
Okay... no more whining...
Must be a big girl now.
Thanks for listening to me...okay.. reading.

(The picture is acurate)

:-)

Strangly enough - I'm now feeling much better -

I figured I needed to write an update - but didn't want to do a whole separate post.

It is really odd, maybe I had to get to feeling REALLY bad before it got better?

Who knows... but I'll take it.

Thank goodness I feel like I'm coming back among the living!

Yeah!

Hope on the Horizon?

2009-06-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

I think hope is surfacing on the horizon. I'm not sure where the past three days have gone. I haven't felt good at all since I got my pellets....but it usually takes three days, but I'm usually just emotional - this bout I've been exhausted, naucious and yukky! The best way to describe it is "Wrong". Who knows...I might have come down with something though. I am finally started to feel a little better.

My Friday visit to see Dr. Robinson...I should have taken a picture of him for my blog. LOL (maybe next time). Well, he was happy to see me :-) and he gave me good news and bad news.

The bad news... was about my Hashimoto's disease. He was looking at my labs - if only I could describe his face - besides shocked. He said, "Wow! You are so Hasimoto's it's incredible." I giggled and asked what that means....he continued, "Well, you're antibody count is unbelieveably high (then he rattled on a bit in doctor termonology) then said...normal would be a number like 74.....Yours is 1572!!!!!" He actually laughed.

Of course I asked what that meant? Is it terminal???? He laughed again. He said he didn't think that number would ever come down into normal range. But then he gave me the good news, which is the 4 grain he's been giving me is really making great improvements. Which I already knew. So at least I'm stable, but the Hashimoto bouts will happen and it will kick my butt. (already knew that too).

So....maybe it will get better afterall. He asked me various questions and we chatted, then he inserted my pellets and upped my testosterone and sent me on my way with a hug. :-)

So I've been dying much of the weekend, not really able to much of anything. Sent Damian to my Mom's (CA) and went to visit Daniel in the hospital and then ended up watching the other two grandsons overnight and all day today. Whew! It's bad enough when you feel good. But geesh today I wasn't up for it AT ALL! Jim had to take them much of the day, I kept going back to bed, got up and fed them, went back to bed. James and Cheryl finally came to pick them up around 5pm.

Update on Daniel in the hospital.... He's our youngest grandson (18months) he contracted a Staff infection called Mersa - it got really bad - they live in Casa Grande and the doctors there cut open his sores on his legs and gave him the wrong treatment - he ended up at Phx Childrens hospital. They finally went home today, luckily he is doing well. Lots of people die from this staff infection. (one of the other stresses that consumed me last week during my crazy days).

Okay... well the sun will come tomorrow and HOPEFULLY I will feel like a new person!

Miracles Happen!

2009-06-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

Well.....here is my new Air Conditioner.....(this is what a year of tuition to ASU looks like!) LOL
(my pictures loaded backwards....couldn't get them to move either)

Out with the old and in with the new... it's a better unit and hopefully I'll see a big difference in my electric bill. It was installed in less then 24 hours of my AC dying. By 6pm it was cool in my house.

I cried so many tears yesterday, my eyes were killing me. Ok...the hormones did have an impact - I know. But it was beyond an emotional roller coaster ride. First tears of fear, then overwhelmed from trying to figure out how to make this happen. Then tears of gratitude and feeling the love God has for me.

I am so blessed. I know that Heavenly Father looks out for me. Miracles abound, they truely do. It's amazing when the goodness of people surprises you. I'll just say....I don't have to pay for this whole unit out of my own pocket, which is unreal. (the person will remain anonymous - but their comment to me was: "It's okay, dry up and realize how many people in this world love you." (this is NOT a member of my family either) More tears ensued... A LOT more.

I don't ever know how things will work out. If there is one thing I've learned in the last 2 years....actually NO... I haven't just learned it - I have COME TO BELIEVE in the power of my Heavenly Father and the miracles he works through people (without any help from ME!).

For some reason I always feel it necessary to try to FIGURE out how to get out of whatever predicament I'm in - even down to spreadsheets and crunching numbers. I don't do that anymore. I've learned to have faith, to step back and watch for the miracle. Because I can't see the end from the beginning...and I'm not supposed to.

I just do the footwork and try to follow God's will for me, and he takes care of the results.

And it always goes much smoother if I stay outta the way!

Gratitude doesn't even cover it today.

Miracles Happen!

Now...I'm off to get my pellets.....oh what a beautiful day!

Meltdown

2009-06-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I decided that I HAD to up my appointment – I was getting crazier by the minute and couldn’t possibly wait. Actually Damian begged me to do something. I picked him up from ASU and was a mess, started crying...etc...

"Mom it really is like you're a different person. I can totally tell. It's crazy. You HAVE to get your pellets...you're really crazy."

Why? Why get crazier? I called Sottopelle… Dr. Dreamy was booked up through the week and is out of town next week. Crying ensued. Then the little appointment girl said, just keep calling back maybe we will have a cancellation.

Wednesday, I woke up feeling drugged, almost dead to the world. It got a little better as the morning went on – OK…honestly I broke down and got an energy drink just to function.

My day got significantly better when I was informed that I won a writing contest for “Open Windows” (see http://kristadarrach.blogspot.com/ for details). I was beyond elated – the hormone thing, makes the highs HIGH and the lows LOW. Then it got even better when I called Sottopelle and wouldn't you know there was a cancellation…and I got in to see Dr. Robinson on Friday. (did the happy dance all the way into the house).

Then Jim and I went to Costco and picked up a few things (like toilet paper and splenda- just needs), then we needed to go to the pool store – because my pool has been green for the last month – and we have dumped in a few hundred dollars trying to clear it – no luck.

Leaving the Costco parking lot I started crying for seriously NO REASON for almost 10 minutes. (Jim just kept saying, "Wow! I’m sure glad you’re going in tomorrow."). The reason was probably spending money – nothing brings me more panic then spending money I don’t have.

So I composed myself and headed to Paddock Pool Supply – the bottom line was… we needed to spend a grip of money pouring in chemicals – or drain the pool and then fill it and stabilize it. Just great. Spend money on chemicals and run up my water bill (13,000 gallons adds up). We left doing nothing….Jim will drain it this weekend.

We then went to walmart to pick up a rotisserie chicken – I wasn’t doing well, and I couldn’t even deal with making dinner – or much of anything else- reading my book (being in a bubble) was all I was going to do for the evening. They were blowing out their chickens for $2.50 each. When the little man told me the price, I about broke into tears right there,“You’re kidding! For real?” I looked at him as my eyes welled up and I beamed, “I’m having such a great day.” (winning the contest and getting in to see my doctor – now chicken for $2.50! Wow!) I tried to compose myself – the little man was helping another little man (not really “little” men- I use that phrase a lot) they stared at me probably wondering if they should escort me to a chair, I’m sure I looked as if I were to faint at any given moment. I grabbed three chickens and hurried away.

I went home – ate chicken and retired to my room to finish “The Stranger she Married” By Donna Hatch (great book). Damian left for mutual and the lights started flickering above me….again it started flickering….Remaining in my "safe bubble" I kept reading….again…flickering.
“Jim! What’s going on?”
He took off down the hall and outside (I heard him on the roof)…..he came back in, remaining in the hallway….He leaned back putting his hands out in front of him, as if he could brace me from so far away, “Ok….Darlin….It’s gonna be okay I promise.”
Jim translation: “Oh #*&% something bad happened.”
I held my breath and asked, “What happened?”
“Well, the air conditioner isn’t working, It keeps tripping the breaker...But it's going to be ok... I called someone and they're coming out in the morning to look at it.” He held his breath, obviously waiting for me to become hysterical.
I paused....looked at my book, then looked back at him, his arms were still out in front of him, “In the morning? Does this mean we have no AC at all tonight?”

"I don't know yet." He gave me a half smile half frown.

I shut down and went back to reading my book.

The night wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Luckily it didn’t break until the sun was almost down. Sleep wasn’t as bad as I remember when our AC went out in July several years back with 4 kids in our house.

So this morning I heard someone walking around on the roof at 6:15am. Jim went up to see what the verdict was.
We need to replace the unit.
I figured.

Our AC wasn’t cooling like it should. I’ve told Jim as much for the past month.

So my meltdown was this morning… after the little man told us that it would basically cost the same amount as a year of tuition at ASU. (something I’ve been fretting over for the past month) Now it seems that I get to place a year of tuition on my roof and somehow pay the “real” ASU tuition come August.

BUT….. I’m in today… June 4th….and only have to worry about today, which is really more than a hormonally challenged woman, such as myself, can handle.

They are putting the AC in today – since Jim works with them daily for his job (they are one of his subs)….and they know us, and we can figure out how to pay it in the next couple of days.

I’m hanging in there, the tears have stopped for now. Thank goodness for husbands… he is taking care of much of it (calling the bank and trying to figure out how to pay for it- at least I have good credit - for now anyway) - as overexended as it will now become.

I know I’m blessed, I know that God will take care of me…it’s much easier to know that when I have pellets inserted. That will be tomorrow.

Ahhhh Taking a deep breath......

The Warrior

2009-06-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

This is Damian's newest song....it's not as dark as Sodom and Gomorrah...but the video / pictures he used (to me) make it seem dark. He's having way to much fun blowing these songs out.
He went and registered for ASU yesterday and is taking 9 classes....7 of which are dedicated to music (of course he's now an official member of the Sun Devil Marching Band)
My little musical genius....
Here's the Warrior....Enjoy...
(you might have to turn up the volume - not sure why it seems so low)

Out of Sorts

2009-06-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me – knows I suffer from….hmmm
Well...Lots of things…..LOL
But today I’m specifically going to talk about my hormones.
All my life I’ve been plagued with crazy hormones, I KNOW I had a major imbalance as a kid, and in my early 20’s I could tell it was getting worse. I’m lucky to not have been “committed” during some points of my life. (for no one really knows the insanity that comes with this trial- except maybe my husband, just a little.)

A friend told me about Sottopelle. I made the appointment and had some tests done and my results were shocking. I hardly had ANY levels of estrogen and testosterone in my body. So now I have pellets inserted that last for 4 months (really I think 3 months…but they say four- I try to make it that far…so far I’ve gone in early each time). These are incredible; they really turn me into an “almost” normal person. Only problem is when they start to wear off. It’s highly apparent and really confirms to me that these little things truly work (because all my life I’ve been telling myself to snap out of it and it’s all in my head- it’s NOT!). (Jim has said he would cut off his arm to make sure I get these pellets).
Last year I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease, which is an auto-immune disease that affects my thyroid. (yes, I get a lot of slack for the name- Jim and Damian seem to do the Chinese bow and use the funny voice to make fun of me, “Ahh Hashimoto got you down today?” *rolling my eyes*
At any rate…..My hormone Doctor is who caught it and he has truly saved my life (as well as my families). I’m doing so much better, it’s unreal. I think they are finally getting my thyroid situation under control. THANK GOODNESS. It’s all connected- when the pellets and the thyroid are working I feel like a normal person.
It’s interesting to me that when I’m out of sync or when my hormone levels decrease, how much I can feel it. I become a blubbering baby, crying, screaming and feeling completely out of control. Other times I can’t concentrate or comprehend things that are easily understandable. And still other times I can’t multi-task – I can usually accomplish things like a whirlwind- but during my bouts sometimes I can’t even put a few things together – or it will take me all day to do so.
It’s awful to lose control of your emotions and your mind. I know most people don’t understand it, but I also know I’m not alone. Many of us suffer from these horrible hormones, I’m just one of the lucky ones. :-)

This run (meaning the end of a 4 month cycle of pellets) I’m due to go in on 6/25. I’m doing surprising well – seeing as this is the week I run screaming to the office to get more pellets. So far, I’m just mildly out of sorts. I haven’t cried for quite some time. I have been slightly overwhelmed. I can’t write….(which totally happens, I also come to believe that I shouldn’t write, have no talent and thus need to hang it up)- But amazing things happen once I get the new pellets – voila I am back among the living and all such things mentioned above usually disappear. It’s magic…and something I pay a lot of money for.
So…we’ll see if I make it through the next few weeks…I’ll keep ya posted.

Damian's New Song

2009-05-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Damian cracks me up. He wrote a piece of music a few weeks ago...it's a dark song...so beware.
I told him his next piece needs to be uplifting. LOL
He converted the composition into a mp3 (from his finale program) and then - all by himself - he made the windows movie - adding pictures - they are quite random... (again he cracks me up).
Then he spent hours trying to figure out how to post it on youtube....
He kept wanting my help to show him, but once I was over his shoulder...he wanted to do it himself (reminded me of a toddler...."No I do it").
Nonetheless...he did it... so here it is....
He is a Marvel....

It's Official!!

2009-05-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

He did it!
He made it through High School and Graduated!
Congrats to Damian
We are so proud of him and all of his accomplishments this year.
Yesterday I was at walmart and for some reason I kept seeing 4 year old boys that were just too adorable...made me think of my little "buddy" and a surge of emotion would well up and I'd just shove it down.
I have no idea where the time went.
I made it through without crying, which I was happy about.
It rained throughout the entire ceremony - thank goodness for ponchos.
The best part of the night was after the ceremony. I walked around with him taking pictures of him and all his friends. (luckily it had stopped raining) The energy was electric and oh so fun.
They were all so excited.
Congrats class of 2009!!!

Rainy & wet Mountain View Stadium

Damian & Daniel

Damian & Caleb

Damian and....

Zoe, Damian, Jesse, Karisa

(I LOVE these kids!!)

Congrats Kris Allen!

2009-05-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe he won. I really liked them both, but I think Kris won my heart. Adam will go on to do AMAZING things... FOR SURE.
My favorite part of the night was at the very very very end....
when Kris' wife makes her way through the crowd and finds him, gives him a big hug and he clutches onto her and loses it. Ahhhhh it was "The moment" for me.

This is the last five minutes of the show - but it doesn't include the song and hug :-(

Open Windows

2009-05-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

I entered a contest to win a book. Really it was just an excuse to write something. :-)

http://inglestonepublishing.com/index.php?cmd=newsview&id=2
Share your favorite memory or family history story.

Here's one of mine:

Open Windows
It’s such blessing to have a window to the past. Where families can come to know, and appreciate those who have paved the way before them. My window, is a journal kept by Ruth Shackelford my third Great Grandmother. She wrote her heart out in a covered wagon from Missouri to California in 1865. By putting pen to paper she created the world from her eyes and also painted a portrait of the greatest American hero.

William Franklin Shackleford was born August 10, 1835. His friends knew him as Frank, the Baptist minister who had a heart of gold. Ruth was sick much of the trip so she wrote countless entries from the uncomfortable wagon bed. Many included Frank, her husband, displaying determination, perseverance and love for his family. “Frank is…on guard, washing, cooking, putting the fire out, going for water, shoeing the cattle, finding the mean oxen, fixing the wagons and harnesses, curing beef, digging graves, building coffins and making tombstones.” He did it all and was the great American man.

Late in their journey, Frank’s sister, Ann fell ill and died in Fillmore Utah on September 18th. Ruth's journal entry’s from the 19-25 read: “Frank is making Ann’s coffin, lined inside. He couldn’t get anything to cover it with. Frank and Att took the tombstone down to put on Ann’s grave. She was buried a mile and a half from Fillmore at the grave yard.”

Fast forward 135 years. Thunderclouds collected above the Fillmore cemetery. I searched the rows as a few rain drops began to fall on my windblown hair. I saw it. It was unlike any marker around. I stood over the weathered grave, unable to read the inscription due to the clouds. I crouched down reveling in the moment, wishing I could capture it. As if on command the clouds parted and a ray of light shone on the marker. I snapped a picture as a tear ran down my cheek. I smiled and muttered, “Thanks.” The sun disappeared leaving me in the shadows. I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of the rain close at hand. Running my fingers over each carved word, I imaged the hero who carved and placed this tiny stone out of love for his sister. I said a silent prayer, thankful for the knowledge that I would in fact, meet these amazing people one day.

A gust of wind blew through me as the rain began to fall. I stood up, teary-eyed feeling connected to Ann and her trials. I was thankful to Frank for the excellent example he was for his posterity. However, I’m most grateful for Ruth and the window she left open for me.

~Krista Darrach

You Belong with me

2009-05-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

This is just TOOOOOO cute...
I LOVE Taylor Swift....she is my kinda gal - for sure.
I love that she writes her own music and says so much with so little.
This video is so cute, and it reminds me something...
Hmmmm....a little similar to a story I know.
Yeah for the BAND!

And I can't help myself (I have ruined this song for my son (not that he even likes Taylor Swift-or any kind of country) but he can't even listen to it anymore.) I love this video....Who doesn't love regency? (Oh my husband...that's who)

Indiana Jones!

2009-05-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

So last night was Damian's FINAL High School concert...it was the surround sound orchestra concert (where they have all kinds of violins circled all around the auditorium...plus a grip of them onstage too) - there are tons and tons of those violinist....and they are great! (of course I'm impartial to a few of them *wink*)
Anyway...the orchestra conductor is always a hoot! My favorite concert was 2 years ago when they did Pirates....it was amazing - brought tears to my eyes. Anyway... they did a fun one last night... thought I share it with you...you can't miss Damian, he's the one wearing the shades....*rolling my eyes*

My Amazing Son!

2009-05-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

This evening we had the priviledge of attending the Mountain View Band Banquet Award Ceremony. Damian received several awards:

- Student Leadership Recognition

-Senior Band Pin Presentation

-Recognized for:

**Ensemble Superior Rating - for Trombone Quartet & Brass Tribal Rockout (a piece written and performed by Damian and others, received a Supeior Rating including a perfect score.

**Regional Band - received the highest score in his catagory in the region.

He received the LAST award of the evening....

The John Phillip Sousa Award,

which is:

The pinnacle of achievement for high school band students. Created in 1955, the award honors the top student in a high-school band and recognizes

superior musicianship and outstanding dedication.

Check out this amazing video, proud doesn't even come close!

Way to Go Damian! He blows us away....what a blessing he is!

Kris Allen

2009-05-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

I voted for Kris for over 30 minutes..... (I've rarely voted for any idol contestant)
I've been an Adam fan... but I've decided that Kris is my guy...
My kinda music and what I would listen to on a regular basis. I love Adam, but I don't think I would listen to him all day long. I would Kris...

Mom, You're the Best!

2009-05-10T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm so blessed to have the greatest Mom in the world.
She has taught me so much, not only by word, but also by example.
She is such a strong women, who knows who she is and what she believes.
She's loved me unconditionally and has ALWAYS been there for me.
She's my cheerleader and my shoulder to cry on.
I want her to know how much I LOVE her
and that I wouldn't be who I am today without her.
LOVE YOU MOM!
You're the best!

Damian's August

2009-05-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night we finally got to hear the song that Damian arranged. The song is from the movie August Rush and it's a beautiful song. It's an orchestra piece that Damian spent hours arranging for the Wind Ensemble. The amazing part is that he did it by EAR. He didn't have the score or sheetmusic. Hes amazing and we are so proud of him. I was moved to tears! Hope you enjoy it!

Fact or Fiction?

2009-05-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

An internet article caught my attention on the home page of my work computer, it was titled: “25 Little Things You Do That Guys Secretly Love”

I clicked on the link and started to read quote from various guys:

"Sometimes when we're hanging out alone at home, my normally serious fiancée will run at top speed across a room and jump into my arms. No explanation, just a full-on leap and straddle. I love it." — Dave Hepburn, 32, Nassau, Bahamas

Okay…that’s kinda cute, then I read on…

"She's sentimental in a wonderfully specific way: Romantic dramas full of heartache and strife don't elicit a single tear, but Wall-E gets her crying every time." — Christopher Mize, 29, New York City

Wait a minute…”Elicit a single tear?” You’re kidding me? I don’t think Chris from NYC said that… I could come up with something a little more original.

"My girlfriend has a laugh that reminds me so much of Ernie's from Sesame Street. I like how love can bring you back to childhood." — Camilo Smith, 33, Mexico City

Alright, that’s almost believable…but for some reason I’m having a hard time that a guy is thinking that Love brings him back to childhood….but maybe…

"I travel a lot for work. When I come home from a trip, I often find that my fiancée has been wearing whatever sweater or sweatshirt I had on before I left, no matter how oversize it is on her petite frame. It's her way of staying close to me when I'm away." — Kevin Feyen, 34, Danville, Calif.

Alright, I was going for it…until “on her petite frame.” Kevin probably didn’t say that.

"She has a collection of adorable sound effects. My favorite is this special squeak for when she's cold." — Stephen Eklund, 26, Alexandria, Va.

I don’t’ think Stephen considers her sound effects to be… a “collection”

"When we kiss, if I pull away, she'll still be leaning toward me with her lips puckered and her eyes closed. It's so adorable that I have to kiss her some more." — Eric Gale, 31, Philadelphia

that’s cute…

"My wife tucks her PJs under her pillow in the morning. Whenever I strip the sheets from the bed to do laundry, I find at least 10 T-shirts and five pairs of pajama bottoms wedged between the bed and the wall. I could get annoyed — especially since the T-shirts are usually mine — but it is such an endearing routine that I have to laugh." — Billy Mann, 26, Hoboken, N.J.

Billy here is 26 and he’s doing her laundry? He thinks it “endearing?” Come on he’s from Jersey… I’d picture him saying something completely different.

I think it’s maddening that these are supposed to be actual quotes from guys….they couldn’t be! They may have given the main thought…but obviously someone added to their words…

All media lies…to sell magazines and help the girls of today live in nairy fairy land. I’m not buying into it. The only plus to reading this article was that it gave me ideas for my FICTIONAL stories…

Maybe I’m cynical and unromantic…Tell me your thoughts… agree? Disagree?

The Midnight Disease

2009-05-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

DRIVE:
to send, expel, or otherwise cause to move by force or compulsion:
to impel; constrain; urge; compel.
to carry vigorously through

"You've got a disease, you can't get rid of it, so embrace it"

There really isn’t a better word to describe how I feel about writing. It’s a drive. One that up until a year ago I didn’t even know existed within me. Which is odd if you really think that I made it through 37 years without knowing I had this HUGE drive/gift/blessing/talent.

I wrote my young adult novel – using this drive. I wrote over 250,000 words in less than 4 months. Writing all hours of the night (which was the only time available- seeing as I work two jobs and have a family).

For the past few months I’ve been editing and learning so much from a writing coach as well as the writing group I joined (appropriately named American NIGHT Writers Association- nice to know I’m not alone).

This weekend I caught the bug again (or rather – got in the ZONE). The past three weeks my mind has been percolating with the idea to revise the beginning of my novel…and cut out a few things So thus started the frenzy….

My weekend writing schedule…
Friday – 6pm-3am
Saturday- 7pm-5:30am
Sunday- 12-6pm

I completely changed the first two chapters of my book. Changed someone’s name, deleted a character, whom I loved, but didn’t NEED in the story to move it along. I dropped my word count from 144,000 to 138,000. (still to big)

Then I went through all my chapters – and restructured them, checking for hooks and cliffhangers. Then I did a word check for “repeated words & expressions” (such as eye rolling, stomach turning). Some of my favorite words are, “almost” “just” “noticed” ….and there are others.

It’s a force like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. I can’t even begin to understand how it works, all I know is I LOVE it.

Senior Prom 2009

2009-04-26T01:30:00.000-07:00

Senior Prom - Saturday Night.

Damian went with Sheri - She had the most beautiful dress (she looked like a princess, tiera and all!)

They had a great time!

Tyrannosaurus Debt

2009-04-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

30+ years ago....

I love Schoolhouse Rock....

Do Re Mi -Live in the Moment!

2009-04-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

I think this video clip is so great. It's from stupidvideos.com and I think it's anything but stupid. There is nothing like watching humanity let down their guard and live a little. Throw their cares aside and feel the "moment". Enjoy the reactions from the people in the crowd, and you'll notice a lot of them even join in. Ask yourself....would you stand and watch or would you jump in and live for the moment. Hmmmm...

NOW......Didn't that put a smile on your face?

Pictures!

2009-04-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted the Cuties...so here they are.... We actually had Bella overnight on Saturday and then took her to church on Sunday! She is such a good baby, slept all night and is so happy! What a joy!

The Sprirt of Easter

2009-04-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of the Easter Bunny. I don't usually color Eggs. However, I do try to bring the real spirit of Easter in to my life. This isn't always easy, especially with the noise of the world around me. It actually takes effort to feel the love of the Lord, at least for me it does.

I know Christ is my Savior, I know He died for me, and I know that He lives. I try to live my life in accordance with that statement. Someday I will see Him again, feel of His loving presence and be reminded all that I have forgotten during this earthly experience. I am never alone, for he has come before me, FOR ME....and knows all that I must endure. This is my thanks and appreciation to Him, for what would an Easter Sunday be, if I didn't outwardly express my utmost gratitude to Him.

Ahhhhh!

2009-04-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

Okay....so I'm plugged back in and happy to say that I made it (well almost).
I made it though till 7pm on Friday.

Jim went off to the Tempe Music Festival. I took Damian out to dinner and then we cleaned up the house (including the floors). Then we decided to break our Media fast.
We both agreed that it was nice to spend more time as a family - we played games and sat around and talked a lot and were able to focus on some of the more important things in life.
But I will admit it was really really hard! Much harder than I'd thought it would be.

I missed the music a lot!
I actually listen to my blog music DAILY.....I pull it up at work and just listen to it all day! That was hard.

However... it was worth it... the sacrifice was hard, but it pointed out a lot of things to me.
One being... I like being plugged in and living in the techincal world...the other one...
I watch and enjoy WAYYY to much TV.

It really helped put a perspective on my life and recognize what needs to change.
I'm going to work harder at doing more of the un-selfish things in my life and spending more time with my family.

Try it sometime...you'll be amazed at how you start to see things differently when you lose some of the things that occupy your mind.

Unplugged!

2009-03-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been conscience of how much noise is around you, all the time? It's everywhere...gees I can't even pump my gas without a TV there to innundate me with ad's / noise. It's constant.

We are doing a "Media Fast". Actually my ward is (my church). From today to Saturday we are unplugging and seeking to get in tune and quiet the mind. On Saturday we will turn the TV on and watch "General Conference". Our church broadcasts from Salt Lake, it's a inpirational/motivational Conference of all the General Authorites. It's awesome and we all look forward to it. (it's twice a year)

The Media Fast means different things to different people but this is what it means to me:

I am choosing to eliminate TV (gasp), mainstream music, surfing the internet, watching the news. (I will be checking email)

Why would I do such a thing?

There are LOTS of reasons.

1. To become centered, quiet the mind.
2. To become connected to God.
3. To challange myself and sacrifice.
4. To be an example to my son.
5. To gain a new perspective.
6. To grow and learn.
7. To prepare myself for things to come.

It doesn't seem like a hard thing does it? But then why when you read this did you have that little twinge of panic that surfaced from the center of your being? Hmmmm.

It is hard, but it's worth it. It's amazing how much time we waste watching TV, surfing the internet, reading gossip magazines. Damian has accepted the challange and I looked up a few things on Media Fasting and this was something I found interesting:

Those born between 1980 and 2000 are called digital natives or "millennials." Researchers say they will constitute the largest generation in American history, outnumbering baby boomers by as much as 33 percent.
Millennials grew up thinking that computers were as much a part of the family room furniture as my generation thought televisions were. This generation has always been comfortable with the non-physical terrain of electronic networks. They started life with VCRs and CDs and led the charge to digital video and MP3s. They were the first generation to link up through cellphones and instant messages. Personal computers came of age as they were born, and they grew up with the World Wide Web and e-mail, not to mention Nintendo, Game Boy, Sony PlayStation, GameCube and Xbox.

This is my son they are talking about. Who will be leaving on a mission in a year from now, where it will be a 2 year media fast. This is great practice for him, I'm happy he is willing to do this. Never mind that he said I wouldn't last through the week, I'll show him. :-)

At any rate, I'm not going to say I'm excited....for I LOVE American Idol, Amazing Race, Lost, Survivor, the biggest Loser, the office, and even watch the news. BUT... I CAN make it to Saturday.

Just think of the things I will accomplish, I'll be working on my book, reading a few books (fictional and otherwise). Maybe focus on being of service to someone who could us it....and enjoying time with my family.
Talk to you next week!